Reply to anyone drop the rope with their spouse?

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Reply to "anyone drop the rope with their spouse?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We get what we expect, OP, and I think it is worth considering how much *you* are contributing to this dynamic and just replicating your childhood structure.

I am non-confrontational (even a doormat at times), but I grew up with a very different family life and it just wouldn't really occur to me to structure my life as you have.  E.g. DH and I switched off with getting up with the kids as babies b/c I just asked well should we alternate, or take different blocs of time, or what? If I wanted better sleep I just went to the guest bedroom and let him deal.  We switch off weekend mornings too... Mostly I just grocery shop in peace my "morning off."  I don't think this is something that he would have ever eagerly volunteered for but I can't imagine him really grousing or yelling about the division of labor, and if he did, I would just be like what the heck are you doing?

In other words, OP, if you don't like your dynamic, just stop participating in it. It doesn't have to be a fight.  Do a yoga class on Saturday morning. Ask whether he wants to do the dishes or get the kids ready for bed.  Say you need him to do pick up on W & Th, and then *don't be available.* If he in fact has some [i]true [/i]job constraints then [i]that [/i]is where you start outsourcing. So yeah, I'd "drop the rope," but in the opposite way that you are suggesting.[/quote]

Forget about the dishes OP. You have enough money to hire someone to come in every morning or every evening and clean up. Or maybe the kids can clean up(I babysat for a very wealthy family and the 6 year old boy  loaded and unloaded the dishwasher).

There are only so many hours in a day. If he works long hours, what should be important is time with the kids; playing cards with them, taking them to an activity on the weekend. unless he is doing the dishes with them, dishes should not be on his list. It shouldn't be on yours either if your husband is so busy that you have make up for his absence.

I agree with the above PP that you have to speak up. But focus on what is most important.[/quote]

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