Reply to anyone drop the rope with their spouse?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The idea that your kids will not suffer because of your DHs issues is insane. Divorce or not he is not a present father and that will have ramifications.[/quote]

While they'd ideally have a more day to day engaged dad, I don't think they will "suffer".  He can be a super fun dad and in an emergency he'd go to the end of the earth for him.  In the day to day he's happy to leave the day to day monotony to someone else.  I grew up with a dad kind of like him, he would take me on long bike rides on the weekends, and in general be fun and loving for chunks of weekend time and not part of week-day life, I knew he was "there" for me etc....but I got all of my day to day needs and security from my mom.  I honestly think at the end of the day my dad is the only one that suffered from it, I know he loves and supports me but I will never be as close to him as I am with my mom and I think he's a bit lonely now that he is retired and has time for family but doesn't have the very close connection.  So yes my life could have been a little better if I had a deeper emotional connection with my dad, but childhood was still really good b/c all of my emotional / logistical / security etc needs were still met by my mom and a lot of happy kids have family dynamics like that. [/quote]

Uh, you married your dad.  That is the ramification of having a DH like yours.  Do you want your kids to think that is the best example of a father?  He wants to sleep in instead of spend time with his kids?  You basically have repeated the same mistake because you were conditioned to think this is how it’s supposed to be.[/quote]

Agreed. The end result is that your boys will be just like your DH and their grandfather. Like it or not, those are your core family values. It’s not terrible but not good. [/quote]

Yes, that’s one of the worst things. Your sons are going to grow up thinking this is the role of a dad. But they cycle can be broken. My dad was like that, working all the time. I actively chose differently. I have a husband who doesn’t make a lot of money, and I myself am in a typically workaholic type career but have a totally mommy-track job. We struggle financially, though we’d be rich with his money if we lived elsewhere, but I love our family life. We all have dinner together 90+ percent of the time. We spend almost all of our weekends together as a family. DH (assistant) coaches the kids teams. Every game has at least one pare tin attendance. We are all there if the other kid’s schedule doesn’t conflict. It’s how we saw raising kids and it is how we are doing it. Would life be better with another 100k or 500k every year?  Not at the expense of what we have in terms of time and family bonds. [/quote]

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