Reply to If you were a mean middle schooler way back when...why?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's a quite normal developmental phase. Read untangled.[/quote]

It's not normal. It may be common, but there it is always a signal something is wrong whether it is an empathy deficit, a problem at home, depression, narcissism or just experimenting with cruelty it is not normal. Normal implies healthy and it is not healthy for anyone involved. Check out the research as opposed to a clinician/author's views based on her or his opinion.[/quote]

No. Normal implies “typical.”  It’s a developmental phase in a typical kid. I see lots of good kids who occasionally do mean things. It happens to the best of them. Maybe even your kid. [/quote]

Bullying behavior is not a typical developmental phase. Being mean now and then sure OK kids experiment a bit. It is not normal to bully. The majority of kids have developed enough empathy or morality not to be a downright bully and those who haven't' need help.[/quote]

You are talking in theories, not from real life.

Wait until your little ones hit middle school.[/quote]

Sorry, but if your snowflake is bullying right now you can tell yourself this is normal all you want, but it is not. It means the young person is at risk just as much as kids are "at risk" when they have other issues. It doesn't mean your child is destined to struggle with mental illness such as personality disorders, depression, etc or your child is destined to have interpersonal problems and job issues, but it does mean your child is more at risk than those kids able to navigate middle school, have friends, show empathy and get along. I strongly urge you to get your child help now if your child is bullying and don't rationalize it as normal. See is as a signal that your child needs help and can help your child develop into a well-functioning teen and adult and if you get the right mental health help.[/quote]

How old are your kids? Early elementary?

Middle schoolers (in general) often bully each other, even formerly nice kids from nice families.

Just wait and see what happens when your kids get older.
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My kids didn't. If they had there would have been serious consequences. I do think we were fortunate, but I would not have just written it off.

My niece was a pretty nasty bully in middle school and part of highschool. She has been in dialectical behavior therapy since sophomore year of highschool for borderline personality disorder and is doing much better. It is really beautiful to see her develope empathy and turn into a kind young woman.[/quote]

Maybe your kids did.

Maybe your kids didn't.

You weren't at middle school with them so you don't know if they were mean to other kids or a minion of the queen bee.

A lot of parents say "never my kid" but they are incorrect.
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