Reply to One year after I ended my affair and I’d appreciate hearing from those who BTDT

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Cogiteur][quote=Anonymous]I am a married woman in my mid 30s and had an 8 week affair that I ended a year ago today. I ended it because I felt guilty about what I was doing to my husband, my kids and my responsibilities and basically recognized I couldn’t keep up the double life. We only saw each other five times during that period as we live in different places.

When is it normal to be past this? I am not past it. I think of him every day, multiple times a day. So many things make me think of him. I replay everything in my head, I wonder what he’s doing, and waste a lot of energy feeling relatively despondent about it all. It was the happiest I have been in years and years and now it’s all gone and I’m never going to get it back. Sometimes that just feels too heavy to handle. I wish i never knew what it felt like.

I’m not sure that I actually miss him, more that I miss the excitement and the connection with someone. It’s definitely much more about the emotional than the physical. My marriage sucks, counseling hasn’t worked, and it’s been in a bad place for a very, very long time. I don’t feel that I can leave because of the negative impact it would have to my small children.

I didn’t mean to use this to vent. Really I just want to know when I will forget this ever happened and move on with my life. It’s torture. [/quote]

It does get easier, OP, but it's been five years for me, and I still think about her every day. It's like mourning, really, but you never quite fully come to terms with the loss, because that person is still out there, somewhere. [b]The hardest thing was finding what's missing in my life, feeling it so intensely, and then having it suddenly be gone.[/b] I wish I had advice for you, but really all you can do is ride out the pain. It [i]will[/i] fade. But the memory won't.

I agree with 12:34 - you'll find very little sympathy here, and Reddit is a better bet. Not having anyone to talk to about it (other than someone who charges $225/hr) makes it all the more difficult to move on. Good luck.[/quote]

What was missing was not real.  The whole relationship was fake.  Even who you thought your AP was.  All of it existed in a bubble.  What was missing from your life was passion and excitement, not your AP.  Find a way to cultivate that without betraying your spouse.[/quote]

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