Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a really crappy person for cheating.

I can't figure this out. Are there a lot of scumbags on this forum or DC area in general? I don't see this amount of cheaters and liars on other forums. Puzzled me from day one.

Anonymous wrote:What you’re feeling is not normal. You’re diverting your marriage issues to this fantasy you briefly lived. You need to get divorced, work on yourself and only then will you be able to be a good partner to anyone.

Anonymous wrote:I am a married woman in my mid 30s and had an 8 week affair that I ended a year ago today. I ended it because I felt guilty about what I was doing to my husband, my kids and my responsibilities and basically recognized I couldn’t keep up the double life. We only saw each other five times during that period as we live in different places.

When is it normal to be past this? I am not past it. I think of him every day, multiple times a day. So many things make me think of him. I replay everything in my head, I wonder what he’s doing, and waste a lot of energy feeling relatively despondent about it all. It was the happiest I have been in years and years and now it’s all gone and I’m never going to get it back. Sometimes that just feels too heavy to handle. I wish i never knew what it felt like.

I’m not sure that I actually miss him, more that I miss the excitement and the connection with someone. It’s definitely much more about the emotional than the physical. My marriage sucks, counseling hasn’t worked, and it’s been in a bad place for a very, very long time. I don’t feel that I can leave because of the negative impact it would have to my small children.

I didn’t mean to use this to vent. Really I just want to know when I will forget this ever happened and move on with my life. It’s torture.

Anonymous wrote:OP-Don't beat yourself up about this. There is an excellent chance your marriage is awful, and has been for years, because your husband is an ass. I have a very dear friend in a very similar situation. I hate it for her because she's beautiful, accomplished, and fun, and her husband is awful and doesn't appreciate her at all. They have young children and she'd be way worse off if they divorced because he'd be a nightmare to co-parent with and that would be awful for her kids. You needed a break from reality and you got it with the AP. It's totally normal to miss the "what if" more than the actual person. Give yourself a break and if needed find another AP to fill in the loneliness until you can get out of your marriage one day. Good luck OP!

Anonymous wrote:OP-Don't beat yourself up about this. There is an excellent chance your marriage is awful, and has been for years, because your husband is an ass. I have a very dear friend in a very similar situation. I hate it for her because she's beautiful, accomplished, and fun, and her husband is awful and doesn't appreciate her at all. They have young children and she'd be way worse off if they divorced because he'd be a nightmare to co-parent with and that would be awful for her kids. You needed a break from reality and you got it with the AP. It's totally normal to miss the "what if" more than the actual person. Give yourself a break and if needed find another AP to fill in the loneliness until you can get out of your marriage one day. Good luck OP!

Anonymous wrote:OP-Don't beat yourself up about this. There is an excellent chance your marriage is awful, and has been for years, because your husband is an ass. I have a very dear friend in a very similar situation. I hate it for her because she's beautiful, accomplished, and fun, and her husband is awful and doesn't appreciate her at all. They have young children and she'd be way worse off if they divorced because he'd be a nightmare to co-parent with and that would be awful for her kids. You needed a break from reality and you got it with the AP. It's totally normal to miss the "what if" more than the actual person. Give yourself a break and if needed find another AP to fill in the loneliness until you can get out of your marriage one day. Good luck OP!

Cogiteur wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a married woman in my mid 30s and had an 8 week affair that I ended a year ago today. I ended it because I felt guilty about what I was doing to my husband, my kids and my responsibilities and basically recognized I couldn’t keep up the double life. We only saw each other five times during that period as we live in different places.

When is it normal to be past this? I am not past it. I think of him every day, multiple times a day. So many things make me think of him. I replay everything in my head, I wonder what he’s doing, and waste a lot of energy feeling relatively despondent about it all. It was the happiest I have been in years and years and now it’s all gone and I’m never going to get it back. Sometimes that just feels too heavy to handle. I wish i never knew what it felt like.

I’m not sure that I actually miss him, more that I miss the excitement and the connection with someone. It’s definitely much more about the emotional than the physical. My marriage sucks, counseling hasn’t worked, and it’s been in a bad place for a very, very long time. I don’t feel that I can leave because of the negative impact it would have to my small children.

I didn’t mean to use this to vent. Really I just want to know when I will forget this ever happened and move on with my life. It’s torture.

It does get easier, OP, but it's been five years for me, and I still think about her every day. It's like mourning, really, but you never quite fully come to terms with the loss, because that person is still out there, somewhere. The hardest thing was finding what's missing in my life, feeling it so intensely, and then having it suddenly be gone. I wish I had advice for you, but really all you can do is ride out the pain. It will fade. But the memory won't.

I agree with 12:34 - you'll find very little sympathy here, and Reddit is a better bet. Not having anyone to talk to about it (other than someone who charges $225/hr) makes it all the more difficult to move on. Good luck.