Reply to How to handle unwanted gift from DH

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How to handle unwanted gift from DH"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]a gift is not something one gets to chose. There are two sides to a gift. The giver picks the item they want to gift for their own reasons including, at times, giving something that receiver may not chose for themselves. The other side of the gift giving processes is the receiver graciously receiving the gift. OP, you are lacking on both sides of this equation.

1. You don't pick your own gift. I've given close family members things they might not have chosen for themselves and among the reasons I've done this, at times, is because I thought they might have a horizon expanding moment and learn the enjoy something new. Sure, your husband may have picked something he also enjoys but that does not mean his motivations are totally selfish. You, on the other hand, wanting him to "gift" only that which you, in advance, want is a selfish motivation. You are taking away joy from the gift giver. Their joy is the experience of considering what to give someone else.

2. gracious acceptance of things we may not want is a gift to the giver and also a chance for us to grow individually.

I'm very surporsed that other people on DCUMS do not know and live by these principles because so many people on DCUMS are stay-at-homes or other types why contribute to their families by gift giving and sending thankyou notes, etc. [/quote]

Yeah, I'm surprised that more people haven't jumped on this. Thoughtful gift giving is NOT about the giver. It is one thing to give someone something "horizon-expanding" if what you know about the person would lead you to believe that they would enjoy that thing--such as a book from an author similar to one you know they enjoy or music in a similar style. But, giving someone a gift that's about something YOU think they should have or enjoy is supremely selfish. Your joy as a giver should be in selecting something that will provide enjoyment or have meaning to the recipient. At best,  a thoughtful, well chosen gift can make the recipient feel deeply known and seen, and picking something that you think they should like is the opposite of that.

Plus, I don't think in a healthy marriage you just grit your teeth and bear it when your spouse sinks a whole bunch of money and time, including other people's time, on a big party or family trip (I'm guessing he's booking a family cruise or something.) that you don't want, won't enjoy, will prevent you from doing something you DO want, and explicitly said you didn't want. This is not a piece of jewelry that just isn't to her taste and can be worn a couple times and discreetly put away. OP, rock the boat now; it's just going to get worse the longer you wait.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics