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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Someone posted this here the other day, and I swear, it’s textbook.

http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html[/quote]

I have no sides in this thread but that link is a load of tripe.  Post again when you have a legitimate resource to share.[/quote]
Np. I found that link to be spot on and extremely helpful, and I too have no sides in this thread.[/quote]

He-said-she-said. Nothing to learn here.[/quote]

This site is way more than he/she said, but you are yes referencing one of the case studies.  There are case examples yes.  However, the website more broadly has wonderful insights.   From other parts of the wonderful website and some quotes:

"So why study members of estranged parents' forums? For a deeper understanding of how abusers think. [b]To learn how abusers present themselves as non-abusive[/b], and how to tell when they're distorting their stories. Because the face the estranged parent movement presents to the world is false, and good-hearted people are being convinced to aid in the very abuse they want to prevent."
http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/why-estranged-parents-forums.html

"Not all estranged parents are abusive.   [b]But if they're a member of a estranged parents' forum, they're not one of those parents[/b]."  (aka OP is posting on a forum so hi!)

"Abusers also take the more common beliefs to the next level. “I’m not responsible for hurting you if I didn’t mean to” synergizes nicely with “If I have an emotional reaction to something someone does, the other person is responsible for my emotions” and “emotions cause actions,” creating a beautiful world in which other people make the abuser feel things, and the feelings make the abuser do things, but because the abuser didn’t have volition at any point, she’s not responsible for the damage she did. ([b]Note that the abuser can’t make other people feel emotions. Other people’s emotions are allllll their responsibility[/b].) Normal people can also fall prey to this tempting combination of dysfunctions, but if it doesn’t get jolted out of them in middle school, high-school drama usually does it, and if that doesn’t work, the realities of adult life hit them between the eyes shortly thereafter. It takes special dedication (and a bubble of enablers) to hang onto this set of beliefs well into adulthood."  
http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/dysfunctional-beliefs.html

""Actionable" is an important word to remember when reading the list of reasons parents prefer. The reasons remove all blame from the parent, except possibly the blame of being too good and spoiling the child; they place all of the responsibility and agency upon the child or interfering third parties; and there's nothing the parent can do about it except wait.  These "soft" reasons usually stop one step short of an actual reason for estrangement. For example, if your child cut you off because she has poor conflict-resolution skills and solves problems by running, what was the conflict that made her feel she had to run? If your child is punishing you for things he imagines you did to him, why does he imagine you did those things? Is he delusional? Is he lying? If he's lying, what's driving him to lie? If he's delusional, what's causing his delusions? [b]Behind every soft reason is a hard reason, a piece of psychological bedrock, but members actively avoid digging for it[/b]."
http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/reasons-for-estrangement.html

"The culture of estranged parents' forums is built around the members' resistance to criticism."
http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/summary.html

The entire table of this link - http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/differences-between-forums.html

Click around a bit on the website perhaps
[/quote]

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