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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]can you change your work hours (or pretend to) for a while?  Or instead of divvying up the chores as you have (sort of), decide that you do mornings==kids animals drop off and he does evenings---pick up, animals and dinner, and you split bedtimes? If he's not up and ready by the time you have to leave, you just leave in the mornings and he figures it out. In the evenings, go work out or go out at night until he's done the pick up and dinner--at least for a while.

honestly OP, my life was like yours whenthe kids were little, i felt desperate. I made chore lists, I got promises, etc but very little changed. I have to say it gets much better when the kids are older and need less attention/are more independent and are less exhausting. But I also made changes--I insisted on a house cleaner and despite DH  insisting he didn't want anyone to do landscaping/it was a waste of money, after 2 years of no trimming, mulching or weeding, I hired landscapers (who had a *major* clean up job). I also  hired an afterschool sitter who does some housekeeping (laundry, tidying, will prep dinner for the kids).  I dont ask anymore, I just do. I still do most of the cooking or at least meal shopping, all the finances (everything, the bills, investments, credit cards, taxes, health insurance reimbursements), all the travel plans/bday parties/ school/camp/doctor/lessons, all the shopping for everything we ever need (but I amazon it) all the car repair and allthe house repair--I do what I can myself, and outsource the rest. I've unsnaked drains and fixed showerheads and resealed tubs, but I have also not hesitated to call in someone. I do send DH on errands a lot--he is happy to get out of the house and get something, but I have to make the list. I also equalize it a little by taking off more time for me on the weekends when he has to entertain or drive the kids, and i've lowered standards--I dont do PTA, I dont cook up a storm, I dont keep a particularly neat house, I dont send bday wishes to his parents for him, etc. I dont get mad (most of the time) but I am also just blunt. Example: after working from home the whole day (and going to the gym) he'd wait until 6:30 when I was home and ask "What's for dinner"  and I'd answer "I have no idea. Do you have a plan?" so now he occasionally will think of dinner or if he hasn't, he will scramble through the frig to figure something out if its clear that I'm not in the cooking mood. Even better, I will say, can you make dinner tomorrow?

On the plus side, he is supportive in other ways and he is a good dad and spends quality time with the kids and i've made my peace, but I've come to realize that I dont really need him to run the household. I can do both. Its both disappointing and liberating. [/quote]

OP here--your life sounds like my life. However, my husband expects me to keep track of everyone's birthdays and anniversaries on his side of the family. I did it last year, but buying gift cards for his twelve nephews/nieces was exhausting. He also wanted me to get cards for his mother and father's birthdays, anniversaries, and to cover mother/father's day. He claims he always forgets. This year, I bought a generic packs of Birthday cards from Home Goods in advance, gave it to him, and told him my job is done.

[b]Unfortunately, we have to commute together as we live 60 miles out from DC....sigh![/b] I will leave his a** behind this week guaranteed and grab a kid with me...he can drive the other one. I did it once already and he twiddled around the house for 30 more minutes and called me asking if I packed the bottles. They were literally next to DS sleeping in his car seat on the kitchen island.[/quote]

You live 60 miles out of DC and commute in every day with two kids and then return home 60 miles??
That is insanity - do you not realize  that? Your DH is tired for a reason & your kids probably are too. How long are you going to keep that up?
Why can’t you move closer? Or get jobs closer to home? [/quote]

You don’t need to ‘hire a housekeeper’ you need to hire live in help to clean, cook, babysit and run your home life ( all of your chores and errands). Pretty soon your kids will have preschool and then activities and parent teacher conferences and orthodontist appointments. You won’t be able to keep up thus pace for very long without significan’t outside help.[/quote]

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