Reply to DH not pulling his weight

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]you are still enabling--if you buy the cards, you are enabling. If you leave one kid behind you are enabling him to get to work in the HOV lane. Stop enabling. Just stop doing. You dont have to make a big deal out of it, or make a huge point, just stop doing. If he's not ready and up in the morning, dont get him up, or help him out. Leave with the kids when you need to leave. You are not responsible for him--you have enough on your plate.[/quote]

+1  slow clap ? to this advice

The only thing that will work with the kids and daycare is for him to have set responsibilities that you don’t micromanage and you can’t bail him out.  You have to drive separately at least a few days a week and you bring the kids in and he handles the pickup and dinner for them those days or vice versa. I am not a morning person and am extremely forgetful but I was forced to figure it out with kids - setting 3 alarms and making list of what I needed to remember and getting the kids to follow a morning checklist when they were old enough.  If my extremely organized DH had been driving in me with every morning (and we worked 15 min away albeit with different hours) I would never have felt the pressure to step up.  Knowing how babies/toddlers were depending on me and I couldn’t call DH at work because I forgot something and I had to get to work on time to stay employed, forced me to pull it together.

Oh, and extremely organized DH does not buy cards/gifts for my family.  Again, he didn’t make a big deal about it.  He sends Christmas cards and will sometimes help out with having the kids pick out a card for my mom or dad for Mother’s/Father’s day.  He knows, I will take the heat from my mom  and either I’m motivated by that and accept the natural consequences of my inaction or there is honestly nothing he would be able to say that would provide better motivation.

With the cleaning service, I am somewhat paranoid about giving someone a key and it being around so I get that.  If we had a cleaning service I would try to schedule it for when I would be around or take a half day each month and let that be cleaning day for the service to come.  Maybe do that the weekend before he drills so you start off with a clean house.  And yes, I would have a yard service and find out who your neighbors use and if they are happy.  I’m sure your DH will still complain but at least you have a gauge if the lawn service is actually doing a good job and they may be more vested if they have several customers in the neighborhood and know you called them on referral of your neighbor.[/quote]

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