Reply to Your MIL doesn't hate you if you are a woman, you hate her.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Not a MIL and don't have a MIL, the way I read all the posts here is that DILs are constantly nit picking, pulling apart every single word and action of their MILs. Ok, so it is not sexual, but it is a competition for whom DH loves more, in the eyes of DILs. DILs are insecure, and as another pp pointed out, fighting for their place as top woman in the family. Hence posts about wanting to host events, and MILs being unhappy about it. Hence posts about MIL not changing DD's clothes one weekend, hence constant giving her my piece of mind posts. Some MILs might hate you, some might be insane, by but far it is my impression that DILs start nitpicking, never letting go of an issue and seeing wrong in any action. Hence proving to DH that she, his wife is better care giver, earner, housekeeper and any array of imagined acts she thinks she is being judged for, in hopes of alienating him from his mother. This is a dance as old as history of humans. DILs can't really help it for the most part. It is only as they grow older that they are able to relax about their place in the family. Hence this struggl is pretty normal. But, for most part MILs don't start it, they don't have to, they are top dog already, hence DILs start this dance.[/quote]

Lol, no. I don't think there are many DILs (at ALL) who feel they're in competition with their MILs over who their husband loves more. The problems arise when the MILs have a problem with the natural course of things - that is, when a man chooses his wife and gets married, she becomes his priority. There are some MILs who have the hardest time with this and try to create such a competition...and that's when you have issues. They (and again, I'm only talking about MILs who do this. Many, thankfully, are adults and do not) begin acting out in petty, attempted manipulative ways and everyone suffers for it. THAT's when you'll see DILs complaining. It is almost never (...I dare say never, honestly) that the DIL is worried that her husband loves his mother more. That [b]he doesn't want to go through the effort or dealing with her, or standing up to her[/b], and the whole family suffers as a result? Sure. But not that the wife feels in competition for who he loves more, that's not how it works [/quote]

Some MILs are straight up abusive, and only get worse when their son marries.  [/quote]

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