Reply to Anyone else’s 3.5 year old girl have possessed by the devil tantrums?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here:  thanks.

I physically man handle her and force her to do things (like sit on top of her, pin her arms, and brush her teeth) because like one of the PP's said, I want her to realize who is the boss (I am big, she is little, brushing her teeth isnt a choice, she HAS to do it, and throwing a fit isnt going to get her out of it).  I dont do things like that for brushing her hair.  but if we have to go somewhere and she's refusing to go, I will drag her kicking and screaming and FORCIBLY shove her into her carseat and buckle her in shrieking.

Ignoring her doesnt usually help.  Sometimes if we leave her alone in her room throwing a fit screaming long enough and come back in 20 mins, she's calmed down and is like a new person.

The worst is she gets physically violent - scratching hitting adults, she also gets verbally abusive ("go away mommy!  GO AWAY!") etc.[/quote]

I gently suggest you reconsider your need to be the boss and "win" a physical fight with a 3 year old. She is not a wolf challenging you for pack leadership, she is a child who naturally wants to please you and literally cannot control what she is doing. She is also a person who will be a teen and then an adult: I am big, you are little is a pretty disturbing message.

She is not going to go to college unable to brush her teeth or hair. It doesn't hurt you to be screamed at. Think of it as an less that Wil pass, if that helps you. Let her feel her anger and upset, and learn (from you, ideally) how to deal with her emotions productively. I have anger issues myself and parenting classes helped me not see myself in a battle with my child that I had to win by dominating her. [/quote]

Thanks.  This makes sense too.  I do feel, in general,  the way you raise your toddlers can impact them as kids and later teenagers, and so sometimes giving in to them (negotiating with terrorists) is not a good strategy.  But perhaps I over stated my feelings about it- I just mean that I am the grown up, I get to decide that it's important to brush her teeth.  Like a dont let the inmates run the asylum type analogy[/quote]

I have a 3.5 year old and I agree about not letting them get their way with everything.  But physically manhandling her and forcing her to do things isn't going to work beyond that one time you get her to brush her teeth or wash her hair.  (My now 8 year old HATED getting her hair washed - still hates it - but we just did it, tears and all.  Decided that once/week was enough, not necessary to do more.  There were tears, but I kept my voice low and calm, tried to help with a washcloth, explained the why.  And it got better though never perfect.  But I would avoid "forcing" or manhandling.  )  Good luck - I can commiserate about the challenges of three year old tantrums.  [/quote]

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