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Reply to "How do you know if your marriage is dead beyond repair—and do you stay for kids?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I am in your situation, and I know how it feels. I also married someone I had doubts about, but there were solid reasons. We also have small kids and are in a very similar situation. I know what it's like to get pregnant and then not have sex for years. When I was a young teenager, I thought people like you and me were stupid, that you only have kids when you love each other, but you know, life is life. I have been blaming myself for marrying the wrong person, having kids, and making our lives miserable. A therapist recently told me one thing that I found very empowering. He told me that there reasons I married my husband were not bad reasons at the time and that I should not view that as a mistake even if I had doubts about getting married in the first place. This allowed me to forgive myself. Things are still tough between us and divorce is still in the picture. But you know what, we are human, we all make mistakes and you can't blame yourself for something you thought was the right thing to do in the past. If you did not abort those kids, you clearly felt that it was the right thing to keep both pregnancies (and this is coming from a pro-choice person). I feel your pain, but please try not to blame yourself for marrying this man and having kids with him. [/quote]

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