Reply to How do you know if your marriage is dead beyond repair

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How do you know if your marriage is dead beyond repair—and do you stay for kids?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You want too much from marriage. Don't upheave your family over this. [/quote]

What?!  I think we as a culture expect too much from marriage, but sex only once in seven years is too much to accept.  She owes it to herself to change her situation, whether that means demanding more from her marriage or moving on.[/quote]

Of course, they can rework their marriage and rekindle intimacy. It takes work but obviously you can. [/quote]

OP here: I do not know how to rekindle something that was never really there. [b]The marriage was a giant mistake. I have always felt this way.[/b] It was lacking while dating. We should have broken up but did not. I think it would be different if there was something to rekindle...problem is something was always missing and we both settled.[/quote]

And yet you had children who expect to grow up in a stable environment.

own your mistakes OP, get on with the work of being part of a positive family and stop griping here about not having sex.

There are plenty of marriages with low to no sex. That is not the be all and end all unless you are a teenager.[/quote]

OP here: my kids were conceived in once-in-blue moon things. I did not expect to get pregnant either time (the first time was a true no-protection mistake). Also, this is not just about sex. [b]We don't talk except for things dealing with the kids. We do not go out. We are not friends. We are not close emotionally or physically.[/b] This about how do you stay for kids if you are unhappy every single day and feel like you are in prison even though "it is best for the kids." (Even if we divorced I know 100% they would have a better childhood than I did for a variety of reasons--and my parents were married, unfortunately). [/quote]

Then start working to change those things!! It's not the easy way out but it's the right one. And the noble one as well. Start talking to him. Plan a regular date night where you schedule an activity to do together - tennis? Bowling? Biking? Anything you can do together. Put your resentment aside, share a bottle of wine, and I isolate sex with him. Do it again in a few days. Send him texts thanking him for doing x/y/z, and telling him how much you appreciate something he's done. Ask him to take walks with you after dinner. Start watching a show together, and sit near each other while you watch.

Turn this around. What do you have to lose? Your problem is you decided SO long ago that you didn't want this marriage to work and you weren't committed to working on it...so of COURSE you've ended up where you are. The hurt and resentment has built up over the y are on both sides, but you can put that aside and try to build a strong marriage at this point. You owe it to your children, and to yourself, AND to your husband, to give this a genuine effort. Take that one foot you've already had out the door all these years, and bring it back in and commit to actually trying to break the bad habits you've gotten into [/quote]
+1[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics