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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks to the victims who took the time explaining the dynamic of abuse. It must be hard to be a victim and have most people around you question the fact that you were abused.

I have a friend that I am particularly worried about, but I am worried about her husband as well.

She thinks that he is abusive, and he thinks that she is the abusive one. They have some mutual friends who think that she is the abusive one and others who think that he is, depending on whose side of the story they hear

She wanted to go to therapy, and he doesn't, and I encouraged her to keep asking him to go with her. I told her to go by herself if he did not want to, but she refused.

Now she does not even want to see a therapist with him anymore. She claims that she is done with the marriage, but they still live in the same house and sleep on the same bed. They fight less often, but they still fight and make all kinds of horrible threats to each other.

I am very hesitant to ask her to leave because they have children who are very well taken care of emotionally and in every other way by both parents. I am concerned that if they divorced, the dynamics with the kids will change.

What would you tell her besides encouraging her to go see a therapist?[/quote]

Divorce in environments of abuse is often better for children because it breaks up the dysfunction dynamic. Other stressors are introduced (adjusting to a family split), but there are resources that help families go through this to lessen the long term effects and help with short term adjustments. Given that it is clear that there is emotional or psychological abuse occurring, I don’t know that I would agree the kids are “very well taken care of emotionally and in every other way”. If she won’t see a therapist, perhaps the DH will. Or perhaps they could all see a family counselor for “parenting guidance” on how to lessen the impact of the heir fighting with their two kids. However you can get them to a chair, but a clinical psychologist would be great for picking up on all possible underlying implications and supporting all of the family. [/quote]

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