Reply to DH is going to blow a gasket. Give me strength.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are afraid in your own house. That is the bottom line. [/quote]

OP here. Let me be clear: I am in no way afraid for my safety or that of my kids. No way. I’ve known this man half my life and I genuinely can say he is nonviolent. I’m actually not even sure he’s been in a fistfight. What I am is weary of not being able to talk about stressful stuff (parenting, disagreements, money) without having to diffuse his temper first. I want him to see that his go-to response (taking it to 11) hurts me. What are the words I can use to convince him that he needs to tone down his reactions? [/quote]
There aren't words, only action. His whole life he's gotten everyone (his family, you) to accommodate his horrible behavior by handling him with kid gloves and walking on eggshells around him. The only way to get your point across now is to behave differently to show him through action that you won't stand for his behavior any longer. Words aren't going to cut it.[/quote]

DP. +1. I simply worry that OP’s DH may react outside of the “norm” she describes him as having if OP is the pack leader, after all these years, and unassisted in this. He might blow a gasket. Or become physical. I’d be wary. That said, I’ve been a victim of abuse that got worse when I put my foot down and changed my behavior. His got more extreme. I don’t want that to happen to OP, because her DH seems easily triggered. Acts of aggression intimidate without having to get into a fiat fight. What happens when the intimidation tactics aren’t effective at having her toe the line anymore?

You may not be fearful of your DH, but I would use caution in how you approach things. Would he be open to family counseling? Notice I said family, not marital. It impacts everyone.[/quote]
Excellent points.[/quote]

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