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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just wanted to chime in on open marriage with "emotional boundaries."

It's a myth. Stay in marriage or leave it, decide this as a couple. Pretending he can get some on the side and be completely emotionless is plain stupid.[/quote]

The marital vow of sexual fidelity is bidirectional. In pledging to have sex ONLY with spouse, there is a commitment to actually have sex WITH your spouse. Both OP and her husband have broken this vow. In neither case was this decided as a couple. Pretending she can stop meeting her side of the vow while expecting him to still meet his is plain stupid. No, 2 wrongs don't make a right. Both are equally wrong. He is not MORE wrong.[/quote]

I can relate to OP.  I was a (overall) fabulous wife to DH for 13 years, two little kids, then last year he cheated and developed feelings for the OW.  Now we are in counseling, trying to work toward a better second marriage together.  I too had lost interest in sex over the years, although we were still doing it once a week at best, or twice a month at worst, but it was more for his pleasure.  This is complicated.  I take responsibility for letting that part of myself dry up, but I also had a medical condition/hormone problem, and neither of us did anything to bring excitement or romance back into the bedroom.  We both withdrew emotionally and became roommates who had the kind of routine, boring sex that happens in most long-term relationships (esp with kids).   He doesn't blame me for the affair.  But, I've recovered my sexual appetite through counseling, and now we are working on restoring emotional intimacy.  A big part of this is mutual forgiveness, because as many have pointed out, you both have resentments to deal with.  But if you both sincerely want to strive for a stronger new marriage, there is no reason why you can't accomplish that.  But it's hard, and it will take time.   Good luck.  [/quote]

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