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[quote=Anonymous]OMG when I read this post, I thought I must have written it. I have the EXACT same husband. Mine came here as a refugee as a teenager so at least I understand what drives his intense financial anxiety.

I don't have any perfect solutions, but here are some things that have worked for me:

1) I work FT and we maintain separate accounts. That sounds backwards but it means that I don't ask his permission to spend money (nor does he ask my permission to save.) Which means I can do lots of small stuff around the house without his involvement. It enables us both to do what we do best! It also means I can do a lot of small stuff without his involvement.

2) Finding mice in our kitchen persuaded him to do bare minimum fixes (this is a 1950s house rehabbed on the cheap in 80s by previous owners.) Over time I wore him down progressively to a more substantial renovation, but not an extravagant one by any means. By the time it was done he freely admitted that he hadn't appreciated what a wreck it was until it was redone. I think he actually said the words "we should have done this sooner."

Right now I'm on year two of laying the basis for an addition. It will happen!

3) I do ALL the legwork on any home improvements. Research contractors, costs, materials, etc; do all meetings and shopping etc. It's a huge pain because I have a much busier job and I'm also the uber default parent with the kids. (Also I have trouble making decisions, so I wish I had a partner who'd go to tile stores with me.) But if I left it to him, it would never get done - in part because it's just not a priority for him.

4) I do think there's some utility in seeing his side of things. I get really depressed sometimes that we live wayyyy below our means. But I know where it comes from - a terrifyingly insecure childhood and a desire to ensure our kids never experience anything like that. He also is happy without a lot of stuff or bling - once when I was complaining about the house, my husband said something like I'm really happy here, I have everything I need. That's not the worst example to show to your kids.

Good luck OP! Worst comes to worst, we should start a support group!

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