Reply to Would you marry someone with a chronic illness?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are no guarantees in life. You might marry someone who seems healthy but is diagnosed a week later with a chronic illness. If you feel committed enough to marry them without knowing, why would the diagnosis change your commitment?

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Because as a PP said, there are a lot of things that I would not take on from Day 1 but which I would not leave a marriage for.  Making a decision about whether or not to marry a person is different from making a decision about whether to stay with someone you already took vows with.  The choice and decision making process are altogether different.

Marriage to someone with a chronic illness, particularly if that person is disabled, is extremely challenging.  It is not like a Lifetime movie in which love always wins.  It just isn't.[/quote]

Who says life is like a Lifetime movie and that love always wins? It is interesting to me that you automatically think that is what I am saying. What I am saying is that marriage is a long-term commitment that will involve many unknowns. You might marry someone with a chronic illness for which they discover a cure. You might marry someone who seems healthy but contracts ALS in 10 years. What you seem to be saying is that there is some sort of decision tree where, the closer you get to the wedding, the more the illness factors in as to whether to marry or not. You want to eliminate potential risks? That's not how life works, either. Marriage isn't for sissies. If you think that you marry someone and nothing will change in your life circumstances to make that marriage difficult at least some of the time, you are at best naive.

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No one is disputing that.  No one is suggesting that in marrying, we don't take on risk.  We do, for sure.

Marriage is a long-term commitment for sure and therefore altogether different from dating.  The closer you get to a wedding, the more *everything* factors in:  A person's career goals, financial habits, health, nature and personality.  The list goes on and includes, yes, health issues.

Once you are married, and chosen to entwine your life with that person's life, the analysis is altogether different.

Most people don't develop chronic illness.  Choosing a person who has such an illness at the outset is not the same thing as choosing to stay by that person's side post-vows.[/quote]

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