Reply to DH Cannot Handle Two Kids. How do you know when leaving is the right move?

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[quote=Anonymous]Someone who is depressed and prescribed medication needs to take it. This should be non-negotiable. Your spouse sounds depressed, based on what he has said. Dealing with little ones is exhausting and hits even the best marriages hard. If your spouse is allowing depression to go untreated in what it an overpowering situation for most normal people, that is just adding fuel to the fire. I'd INSIST he see his shrink/therapist/whatever. Also you should insist that you guys see a couple's therapist together. He HAS to take his medication regularly. Why isn't he?!?! Why does he think that neglecting that in this high stress situation is a good idea!?!? You may have to push, and that may be uncomfortable for you, but so be it. My depressed spouse would go off his medication occasionally and it seriously compromised our family life and our marriage. I had to take a stand.

In answer to the question, "How do you know when leaving is the right move," you cannot know this now because you are probably so overwhelmed you cannot think straight. You should not judge your marriage when it is at what is likely to be one of its lowest points ever. Not only is the situation as it is now with little kids hard, but dealing with a depressed spouse is hard. Don't judge how he is until you see how things are when he is actually complying with treatment.

But your DH has to pull his weight and part of that is self-care. You both need to invest in self-care. Hire people, swap childcare with other parents, do whatever you have to, but get some alone time, go out together. All of this is compatible with breastfeeding, by the way.

In the book "Should I leave?" by Peter Kramer there is a chapter about a guy who sounds like your husband, the guy who has it all but can't see it. Kramer diagnoses him with depression, puts him on antidepressants, and suddenly he sees life differently. Maybe ask your husband to read that chapter. Ask him if he wants to mess up his family life, marriage, etc simply for not wanting to take anti-depressants.    [/quote]

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