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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "He lied"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So did you have a conversation with him about this? Or did you just take what mom said and run with it?[/quote]I didn't say anything until we were back at my place alone. I said "who''s Dave and why did your mom ask if he had it rented out when you ended your lease". He admitted to it then.[/quote] Was he apologetic? Did he say why he lied? Did he seem embarrassed or concerned about your feelings and the damage he has done to your relationship? Or did he deflect and refuse to take responsibility for his lies? All things to think about when deciding what to do next[/quote] He was apologetic, said he felt inferior. Asked what it means for us. That's when I said I needed a few days.[/quote] I think the PP asked some good questions and it's a good line to follow. You have a lot of knee-jerk replies telling you to get out. They may be correct. However, let me play devil's advocate for a minute. None of us know the history of your relationship or his prior relationships. Maybe his last serious relationship ended due to his GF being materialistic. Maybe he started with the little lie not anticipating your relationship would last and then fell in love and found himself trapped in his lie. He wanted to fix it but with each passing day, it seemed harder to do. Is it a reason for you to be cautious and concerned? Absolutely. Is it a reason to just end it without further conversation? I say no. Talk to him. Stay clam in spite of whatever you may be feeling inside. Ask all the questions you need. You deserve answers. Then, you need to weigh those answers. Was he truthful in his explanation? Are you satisfied with his explanation? Is there anything else he lied about? Do you need more time and to push back the wedding date to figure things out? I like that you have given yourself a cooling down period and that you are not making any rash decisions. I hope you get the answers you seek. Good luck.[/quote] I agree with this. Maybe he told you he owned it to impress you when you first started dating or maybe in the past someone left him or laughed at him for renting, and then he just got in too deep. It's NOT OKAY for him to have carried it on elaborately though, like if he talked about maintenance and "tenants" and whatnot. That seems weird to me because if he was truly embarrassed that he lied or truly didn't want to keep lying to you I'd think that he would just like, not call them tenants ("neighbors" maybe) and gloss over the subject if it came up and try to distance himself from the original lie. But, I'd certainly give him an opportunity to explain himself first. [/quote]
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