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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] He did a very bad thing.  I'm not condoning it.  But I don't have to let it disrupt my life and the life of my children either.  I'm committed to minimizing its harm for my children and that's why I wanted to ask for advice for people who have been there.  It doesn't sound like this is a common, though. [/quote]

Actually I have several friends and a cousin with the half-sibling that was born in between their full siblings.  The parents stayed married but by the time the kids were college age they often ended up married in name only - either living in separate states or living separate lives.  My friends have complicated relationships with their dad and not a great relationship with half siblings.  I don't know how much of is that a leopard doesn't change it's spots (uncle had 3 or 4 kids with woman other than my aunt while married to my aunt).  I'm pretty sure no one had family therapy to work thru these issues and there was a lot of anger, bewilderment, sense of abandonment when dad was off with other woman/family, and confusion because they still love their dad.  It could be a coincidence but my friends and cousin had many challenges in their romantic relationships.

So no magic answer but would echo what everyone said and get a 3rd party involved - a family therapist to help.  I think the kids will need a safe place to work out their emotions without feeling like they are being disrespectful or hurtful to their parents and are allowed to express what they feel.  The therapist can also help you with how to answer the questions.  My thought is either you have to roll like this is sister wives (what do they tell their kids?) and you have contact with the other woman if you have accepted that you share your husband or it is a people make mistakes and he was really remorseful and asked forgiveness from you and strove to be a better husband and father and lived by this all happened.  I think that conversation has to start with him and you don't show bitterness etc. and back up the statements of forgiveness in actions and words.  It had to come from him to show that he realizes what he did was wrong and show it was strength rather than weakness that allowed you to give him a second chance.  Part of the lesson is if you make a mistake you should be able to take responsibility and learn from the mistake - someone saying that for you isn't the same thing nor does it have the same impact.  Having a gray area where it just is and either behavior hasn't changed or their was never this component of owning up, forgiveness and true change - makes it tough for a kid.[/quote]

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