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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
OP here, your dynamic sounds the same as I have with her. She is warm and charming, outgoing, life of the party. But very disorganized, terrible with deadlines and anything that requires planning. I try to tolerate that without nagging (for example, I let all those weeks go by with her not signing up for unemployment, until she finally realized that she was losing money every week that she didn't do it). I am happy to take over the finances in our relationship. She is terrible with money (more examples than I can list here).

I will stop sending her links, that seems to be the consensus here.

We were planning to move in together this summer, so part of me is thinking that she is just biding her time until that happens - then she won't have to worry about rent. But I do know that job hunting is hard and that five weeks is nothing when looking for a new job. I was hoping that she would at least reach out to her network, which is extensive.[/quote]

OP, look.

You talk about moving in, you say she's your "soon to be wife" but it seems like you are doing all this thinking and assuming without actually talking to her about it. Last night, did you talk to her about it? Did you raise this concern with the one person who can shed light on what her actual emotional situation and plans are? It doesn't seem like it, or you would've mentioned that you had done. You can talk to her about it without saying she's "terrible with money" or talking about how she's "very disorganized." You can talk about it from a planning perspective as a young family. What does it mean for moving in together? Would you be moving to a new place together? What does it mean for her contributions to the rent? Do you plan to combine finances? How will that work? Just talk to HER. She's the only one who can answer these questions for you.[/quote]

+1 You need to TALK to her. Note that you are naturally more inclined to take care of finances. She will probably agree. Say you would have liked to approach her earlier about unemployment but felt like you were intruding. Agree together that in the future, you will be more involved with her finances even if that means nagging to get things done.

Also let her know that you're concerned about her unemployment. You could couch it in terms of "I feel stressed. I can only imagine how you feel. What can I do to help?"

Maybe also agree on timelines. If she doesn't find something within 3 months of being fired, you'd like to get more involved. Maybe she'll say "OK, why not get involved now?" Or "No, this is my responsibility. Back off."

But you won't know until you TALK![/quote]

OP here. Thanks so much for this - I am inclined to use these exact phrases. :)

I have been reluctant to talk to her about any of this because 1) she is an adult and I don't want her to think I can't do this on her own, and 2) she is prone to depression so I am trying not to talk about it much at all. I am trying to take her mind off of it by taking her out to dinner, going to the movies, talking, all the things we normally enjoy. Even though we have talked about every topic under the sun, it is hard for me to bring up a lot of these things as I don't want her to further descend into a funk.[/quote]

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