Reply to Girlfriend laid off five weeks ago

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is how my husband works, or rather procrastinates. He has ADHD, and that is pretty typical behavior for inattentive types. He is also late, forgetful, not very productive (albeit highly intelligent and he's hired to troubleshoot).

So, I suppose that's your girlfriend's personality. What other symptoms have you seen?
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Honestly, that seems exactly like her.

She is a great person but I worry that if we marry, I will fall into a parenting role. [/quote]

You will.
I have inattentive ADHD & I'm the female version of this woman's husband.

My husband takes the brunt of the carpooling & anything else that requires a timeline.  I am all over the nuturing role and this seems to work for us, as my husband has a stressful job & can't always be attentive to them.

However, you WILL always have to be the responsible one (bills, banking, etc).  If this isn't what you want for your future, I wouldn't marry her.

The ONLY way she's going to start taking this seriously is if she gets a scare, like you not marrying her or losing her apartment (but then she'll just suggest moving in together since you're getting married anyway... watch out for that!).

We don't put things into high gear unless we're afraid of consequences... sorry, but it's true.[/quote]

OP here, your dynamic sounds the same as I have with her. She is warm and charming, outgoing, life of the party. But very disorganized, terrible with deadlines and anything that requires planning. I try to tolerate that without nagging (for example, I let all those weeks go by with her not signing up for unemployment, until she finally realized that she was losing money every week that she didn't do it). I am happy to take over the finances in our relationship. She is terrible with money (more examples than I can list here).

I will stop sending her links, that seems to be the consensus here.

[b]We were planning to move in together this summer, so part of me is thinking that she is just biding her time until that happens[/b] - then she won't have to worry about rent. But I do know that job hunting is hard and that five weeks is nothing when looking for a new job. I was hoping that she would at least reach out to her network, which is extensive.[/quote]

I'm the poster you quoted & I think you have your answer.

Tell her that there's no way that you can move in together until she gets a job, as you can't support you both on your income (even if you can, make it more about you won't ever be able to save for the wedding, a house, retirement, pay off debts, etc, if all of your income is going towards supporting you both).  She'll find something much quicker this way, even if it's not her dream job she needs to get something... anything!

The longer she's without work, the harder it will be for her to go back... I promise you.

She should talk to her doctor & get him/her to prescribe her Adderall.  It is a WONDER drug & I wouldn't be able to function in life without it.  It could be the exact thing she needs to get her back on track & set you up for a much happier future.

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