Reply to Why does my Mother think she can hate me but have a relationship with my minor children?

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Reply to "Why does my Mother think she can hate me but have a relationship with my minor children?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Nope. Unless she's abusive to the kids (and she may very well be), theirs is a separate relationship from yours.  I wouldn't deny my kids a relationship with their grandparents solely because the grandparent is mean to me. Only if their own unique relationship is toxic.[/quote]

Let me get this straight. If [b]someone[/b] hated you, you would still send your kids to them?[/quote]

Yes, because that "someone" is your kids' grandma.

[/quote]

Disagree. My parents and ILs do not have rights to my children, nor are they entitled to a relationship if they treat me or DH badly. It's a privilege you give to family and friends that aren't potentially (likely) harmful to your kids.[/quote]
How do you define "badly", with an example.[/quote]

I'm the PP who said grandparents do not have rights or entitlements to relationships with their grandchildren. My DC has a great relationship with her paternal grandmother (who lives with us and is incredibly caring and very helpful) and her maternal grandfather (my dad) and my siblings, who make the effort to Skype and visit regularly despite living far away. My mother is not a bad person nor a bad grandmother but my DC doesn't really know who she is because she puts in little effort and rarely visits. So in my case, it's not a problem. I just don't believe in grandparents' "rights" to kids. My DH is estranged from his father, who lives in a different country, and I cannot imagine he'd ever want him to have a relationship with our DC. And I'd never try to insist on it. I don't know his father; he does.

But all these other cases where people are talking about verbal, emotional, even physical abuse? If my parents did that to me, there is no way in hell I'd let them around my kid on a regular basis or foster a close relationship. Why would you expose your kid to toxicity like insulting comments ("don't eat that cookie or you'll be fat like your mom")? Hell to the no. I WAS abused as a child, not by a family member, but if it had been a family member you better believe they'd get nowhere even close to my kid. Just thinking about it makes my heart pound.[/quote]

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