Reply to Strict parenting and yes ma'am, no sir for toddlers?

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Reply to "Strict parenting and yes ma'am, no sir for toddlers?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Wow, it seems like you have an issue that's bigger than just the question of whether kids should be taught to say ma'am/sir. Personally, I think it's reasonable to have children do that and we raised our kids to do so unless a specific adult notes a preference to be addressed with less formality. Our kids did say "yes ma'am/sir" from pretty much as soon as they could speak, because we never presented anything else as an option. It wasn't (or, didn't seem to me) particularly strict, it was just how life worked; yes and no are rarely if ever stand-alone sentences in our house because to us it just seems curt and a bit rude to not tack something else on the end -- an honorific, please/thank you, or a slight elaboration to make a longer sentence. That's just a quirk of our family, though, not something we would dream to impose as a requirement of others.

However, your in-laws seem rigid, overly controlling, and frankly, rude. It is exceptionally poor manners to try to make anyone else feel noticeably inferior (which seems to be what they're doing with the way they speak to you and expect you to speak to them: creating a verbal hierarchy in which you're expected to consider yourself subordinate and deferential). It is also poor manners to correct or call attention to other people's perceived lapses in manners. Within a family this standard isn't absolute -- sometimes it can make sense for grandparents and other relatives to correct or instruct kids other than their own -- but if the parents are present it's pretty inappropriate for anyone else to intervene in anything but a pressing safety concern or to go against what the parents have indicated. Your in-laws seem to be more invested in seeming formal and well-mannered, or in being treated as social superiors, than in actually conducting themselves with decent manners.

You and your DH need to be on the same page regarding how YOU as the parents want to teach your kids to interact with the grandparents, and how it is okay for the grandparents to treat you. Then DH needs to be the one to set boundaries and mean them. His parents, primarily his responsibility.[/quote]

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