Reply to When did you realize you didn't like your mom (or dad)?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]At what age and what was the catalyst for determining that you don't like one of your parents?

A relative of mine confided that she just realized she can't stand her mother and wants to limit contact with her - she is 55. I found it interesting that up until now, she has had a good relationship with her. Nothing specific happened, it just dawned on her that her mom's influence has made her the person she is today and is in essence, blaming her for for some of her shortcomings. I would think this realization would happen at a much younger age or that a specific issue happens to cause a change of feelings.[/quote]

How easily you dismiss what are more likely serious issues your relative experienced. How would you know nothing specific happened? She may not want to talk to you. I'm sure she's aware you are dismissive. Most dysfunctional families are surrounded by and include people like you. In families with sexual and physical abuse it is common for immediate and extended family members to minimize the damage and blame the victim. [/quote]

Common sense would say that if the relative is comfortable telling her that she doesn't like her mother, than she would tell her why - or if there was a reason... Typically - if someone is closed off and doesn't want to talk to someone, they don't tell them other things... Reading comprehension... Figure it out.[/quote]

I've got no problems with reading comprehension. You have a jeuvenile understanding of human interaction. People just don't work like you think. Common sense doesn't dictate anything when it comes to dysfunctional families. It wouldn't be surprising at all for op's relative to talk about the situation at a high level and not want to expose the dirty details. How would op know that nothing happened?  It is very common that the victims of the sick family dynamic know they won't be supported by friends and family alike. Everyone just wants everyone to get along. People like op just want everyone to get a long because they aren't feeling the pain. They may be inconvenienced by the estrangement.  [/quote]

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