Reply to I can't afford to pay for my son's graduate school. He is in high school, BTW.

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[quote=Anonymous]I work in financial aid and I see a ton of these cases. I'll say this, children of parents who can work together without any outside influence fare very well. I'm assuming the child support order was a one-side affair (at your urging) done via the courts. I say that because we see it all the time where it comes back to bite the child and one parent says it's not fair that the other parent will not help any more. The problem is that they left it up to the court to decide a monetary amount with a finite time frame. Families who did not make it, it happens, that submitted a joint plan to the courts that includes college, etc. fare much better. I don't know the intricacies of the support order but if you are receiving $1,500 a month through the age of 21, you would have fared better for the child had you mutually agreed upon say $1,000 a month and split college and graduate expenses 50/50. Based upon your statement I don't think you two mutually agreed upon anything and submitted it to the courts -- you probably played hard ball. You would be surprised at the information non-custodial parents share in the explanation section on the CSS Profile. They are brutally honest. It sounds too late in your case but it would have been best for you two to agree on support, college, etc. and then submit your plan to the courts. Based off of what I've seen in my many years of working in financial aid, the courts breed lots of contempt that comes out at a later date.

That said, your ex doesn't owe anything to you or the kid (who can take out loans). It is a privilege to have your parents do anything financially for you and especially past the age of 17/18 -- those children who's parents do help them are very fortunate. Your son can take out loans and that is especially true if he plans to go to med school. There is also the option of going through a HRSA program to help with school or loan repayment (e.g., https://www.nhsc.hrsa.gov/). There is a service payback for it. I wouldn't recommend you go trying to drag your ex's name in the mud with the kid. It's his father and he'll see right through it. Not to mention, he'll may friends go through nasty relationship battles if he doesn't go through it himself. Good luck to your child in his future endeavors.

[quote=Anonymous]I don't have anyone to talk with.

My ex-husband and I are trying to figure out what to do with regard to my son's college.  DC child support continues until age 21 thank goodness.  So I intended on using the child support to help pay for the first 2 years of college (it is a private college that costs $70k a year).  That of course means we are both contributing to my son's college -- I don't look at it like only I am paying.  That's why they have the support order until age 21.

When my son turns 21, he will be just starting his junior year of college.  From then on, I had proposed we split his college expenses based on our incomes.

All that is fine.  But now his father is saying that should also apply for graduate school -- that he won't agree to pay for college (about 55%, since that is his share of our income) for junior or senior year unless I agree to pay 45% of college and graduate school.

My son wants to go to med school, and frankly, I cannot afford it.  I literally only have about 2 times my gross income in retirement savings and I am 52.  I absolutely need to save for retirement when college spending finishes.

My son's dad has enough to pay for college and graduate school alone.  I understand it is not fair to think he should absorb that alone.  But for my part, I simply think that whatever I do for graduate school needs to be a loan to my son.  I cannot pay for graduate school without sacrificing my own retirement security.

Does that sound reasonable to you?  
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