Reply to Wife very much dislikes my family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My MIL went to her mother's house every Sunday.  Her mother was the center of their family.  She consulted her mother about *everything* from buying curtains to disciplining children and buying groceries.  She never made a move without consulting her mother first.  She very much expected to play that role when her son married me.  She expected my husband and me, but really me, to involve her in every single decision we make.  We have been married for nearly 20 years and she is still upset that we don't consult her about decisions that do not affect her, like buying milkboxes from Costco instead of from WF (not kidding).

I find the expectation and her continual surprise alarm at not being involved in the minutia of our lives to be extremely annoying.  I just ignore her reactions now for the most part.  She has no concept how irritating it is and zero comprehension that if she said, "Oh, you are going to Florida for vacation?  That sounds lovely.  I hope you will show me some pictures when you get home," instead of, "WHAAAT?  You are going to Florida?  For vacation?  Well nobody told me!  I guess what I think doesn't matter at all," that she might have a more pleasant relationship with us.  As it is, I tell her *nothing* after years of her flipping out because we had pizza delivered instead of picking it up.  I leave it my husband to decide what to tell her and what not to.  It doesn't bother him nearly as much as it does me.

So, no I don't really like her and as a result, I don't make plans for us to see her beyond obligatory holiday visits.  My husband doesn't make plans to see her either so she lives less than an hour from us and we see her for maybe a couple of hours 3 or 4 times per year.  If you did not know of this dynamic or you grew up with it and just lived with it, you might think I am being unreasonable.  I grew up with my mom who irritates my husband no end.  I am used to her oddities and have a lifetime of experience knowing how to ignore her and when not to.  I think my husband sometimes looks for reasons to dislike my mom, but I think he could say the same thing about me.  So maybe you think your wife is in the wrong, she isn't.  [b]She doesn't want to have as much contact with your family as your mom wants.  That isn't wrong.  It simply differs from the amount of contact your mom wants.  Stop looking for your wife to change into what your mom wants and look for ways to give your wife the buffer she wants from your family. [/b] [/quote]

Well done. [/quote]

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