Reply to Husband annoyed at taking his injured daughter to urgent care

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why does every DH have to be the main parent. You're the main parent, OP. Just do the parenting and let him do the 1billion other things that also have to get done to run a family.[/quote]

I know people are bristling at this.  But honestly, as a strategy it worked really well in my family.  I did nothing but kid stuff and my spouse did everything else except that spouse did childcare drop off and pick up because my commute was longer.  We had very little conflict because we each did our part to make the family work.  And we were both pretty happy about it.  I can't remember the last time I did yard work (besides my garden), took the car for service or an oil change, found a plumber, washed a car, cleaned my house and whatever other billion things it takes to keep a house running successfully.  Even though my kids are grown, I still don't do these things.  My spouse wasn't a bad parent, but wasn't a good caretaker until they got a lot older.  The difference between me and OP is that I could count on my spouse in emergencies.  [/quote]

How did your kids feel about that? I'm glad your situation worked out for you, but I can't imagine having only one parent doing the parenting.[/quote]

It worked out well. We lived (and still do) in a conflict free home where everyone loved each other and everyone did their part to make our lives work. The kids knew who to ask for whatever they wanted/needed.

Also just because I took care of school, medical, and all of that stuff doesn’t mean my both didn’t do the fun stuff with the kids. We’re both pretty fun parents and neither was unreasonable stressed because we weee doing what we were good at. A win all around d. [/quote]

I’m sure it was a win for your DH who got more leisure time daily than you … [/quote]

PP listed a bunch of other things her DH did. When do you think that got done? During the work day?[/quote]

Doing yard work is a once a week thing. Paying bills is monthly. Childcare is around the clock every day. I guess I can see a scenario where the dad does everything except childcare (like cooks, cleans, laundry) and that is an even split of labor. But not sure that is the case. And it also would be bizarre if a parent literally could not be counted on to do any childcare. You can’t take the kid to the dentist one time? Do the camp forms? Do bedtime? [/quote]

I am constantly amazed at how people are so unappreciative of what it takes to run a household and the lack of appreciation of their spouse’s contributions. I mean, who is cleaning your gutters and spending both weekend days for a couple of months dealing with leaves and putting up holiday lights and staining the deck and fence and aerating the yard in the spring and painting when you want to change the color of a room and replacing the broken garbage
Disposal after going to Home Depot to buy a new one and fixing the leaking toilet and installing a new light fixture that you either wanted or needed and replacing the pipe that broke in your basement . . .  Oh and dealing with electronics - give me camp forms any day over this.

And yes, had it been necessary, my kids’ other parent could have done the dentist appointment and bedtime and the camp forms. My spouse is not incompetent. But it was more efficient and preferable to both of us that I take care Of these things.

I have always thought I got the better end of the deal being able to do only the parts of family life that I like to do - as did my spouse.  And that didn’t happen by accident or by splitting every area of responsibility between us. [/quote]

Nobody cares but if your husband literally never engaged with your children’s education or health care that is a bit extreme. The same as if you had no idea how to do basic yard work or didn’t know anything about the finances. And of course in the great majority of cases where there is a “division of labor,” the man does less labor. And let’s not even talk about a man can choose when he wants to clean the gutters but a mom cannot choose when a child gets sick or wakes up at night. [/quote]

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