Reply to Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This resonated with me because my SIL told my brother years ago that she was not going to get involved in our family dynamics. NOT that she was never going to help or be supportive; she does that all the time. But she always hated the way we handled conflict by avoiding it, how we handled things by text rather than calling, how certain siblings talk more to some siblings than others, how we all procrastinate etc. At the time, I thought it sounded kind of bitchy, but years have passed and she was oh, so right. She will give her opinion if asked, and helps out in a million ways, but she's not a decision maker for our parents and refuses to engage in any sniping or gossip with or about the siblings (e.g. "oh my god and she got years of free daycare).

I think the SIL was right to put the kibosh on an unsustainable and circuitous solution from the outset (pay more childcare, drive 2+ hours extra) and help steer everyone towards a (hopefully) better long-term solution.

Good luck to everyone in this situation - we have parents with degenerative conditions (Parkinson's, macular degeneration, dementia) and it is never easy to navigate the painful and expensive options.[/quote]

It's the lack of communication that has otherwise good people working at cross purposes. If they would actually TALK and discuss what is going on and how things are being handled it would be so much better.

It just compounds an already difficult situation.  How hard is it to say;  "Sis, we're going to help Dad apply for Medicaid for Mom.  At some point soon we'll need to start looking into some memory care facilities for her"

Don't make all these decisions and leave your sister hanging, worrying and wondering what on earth is going on.  It's cruel to do that.  Maybe borderline abusive, tbh.[/quote]

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