Reply to Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here.

[b]My wife contacted my Dad last night[/b] and told him that he needs to apply for Medicaid for in home care and the ongoing plan we have will not work. She encouraged my Dad to take a leave of absence and offered to help on the weekends, but not during the week.

My Dad is going to talk to his HR representative today to look into FMLA for a short time.

Thank you everyone for the suggestions. I feel relieved. [/quote]

That's great, but why did your wife have to be the one to contact YOUR father and come up with a plan? You should have been the one doing this. You'd better thank her profusely.[/quote]

She does this for a living and Op does not....[/quote]

So what? He could ask his wife for advice, but he should have been the one to relay the information and draw the boundary with his family. He relies on his wife for a backbone. [/quote]

I have yet to see how this family has done anything to warrant having boundaries drawn.  If anything, the one who was attempted to be steamrolled into taking this ALL on single handed was the sister in this situation.  Thankfully, Op and his wife have decided to step up and do their part.

I think that they should keep SIL and BIL apprised of this business about Medicaid.  I don't know why they wouldn't do that.  Obviously, sis is concerned enough to be trying to help her Dad.  I think it's really unfair to treat her like the enemy.  [/quote]

Are you the sister?  Are you reading a different thread?  NO ONE was trying to get the sister to do more.  OP said she agreed to do one day, "maybe two."  And OP was completely willing to accept that.  He wasn't upset with his sister, but with his wife.  You're projecting so much, just like the wife-haters who think she's a selfish heartless cow out for an inheritance based on NOTHING.  In fact, she had a perfectly reasonable and practical suggestion, which she managed herself, and was willing to help on the weekends.  [/quote]

Op was the one bringing up the past history of his mom watching his sister's kids and his wife feeling resentful towards MIL and SIL because no one ever helped Op and his wife with their kids and blah, blah, blah, gag.

All of that was completely irrelevant and had nothing to do with the crisis at hand.  Op's wife was not really being helpful at the time that Op posted and the plan that Op, his sister and his dad had come up with was not to his wife's liking...

Thankfully, Op's wife has decided to help her in-laws.  It's just sad that the continued barbs at the sister (who is also losing her mom to a horrible disease) are continuing.  I think it's mean spirited to keep sis in the dark about Medicaid.  I don't understand why Op feels the need to do that.  It's just seems mean to me.[/quote]

It sounds like OP’ sister has a history of being self-centered and somewhat useless in a crisis, so the best way to move forward with getting OP’s mom the help she needs is not to involve the sister until it’s a done deal.  It’s not like she gets a vote in her mom’s care if no one is asking her for anything, those decisions rest with OP’s dad.[/quote]

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