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[quote=Anonymous]Everyone on DCUM is piling on OP for saying his mom, aunts etc. will be watching his son.  But seriously, he's in a no-win situation.  If he said grandfather, uncles, etc. everyone would jump on him about how men of that generation don't know the first thing about caring for a two year old.   To OP:  I get where you're coming from with that.

However, if you and your wife do decide to let your son go with you, I recommend you do several things before the trip.  two year olds will have meltdowns, have attachment issues, will spiral in new and different environments.  Change is hard for kids at that age.  Your son will be dealing with a new baby, less attention from mom, and then (from his point of view) taken away from mom for several days.

I recommend you take a couple of weekend trips away with just your son from now until the wedding.  Let him get used to a weekend of just him and Dad.  Please don't let his first trip away from mom be for the wedding - you are setting him (and you) up for failure.

with these weekend trips, he'll be able to get comfortable going to you for everything (since your wife is a SAHM, I'm guessing your son goes to her as a first response) and you'll get comfortable navigating the situation when he has trouble.

Second, you mentioned that your parents haven't seen your son very much since he was born.  After a few father/son trips, have a trip that includes your parents.  During that weekend, try and be "hands -off" and I urge you to be an unbiased observer of how your parents take care of your son.  Do they automatically but subtly lean on you after an hour or two? Do they rely on you when they have to multi-task (prepare food or getting ready or buying tickets or whatever while at the same time watching your son).  this would be a BIG indicator of whether you could feel comfortable relying on them to watch your son.

Finally, and on a separate note, I understand your reluctance to stick up for your wife when there is dissension.  It's always hard when two people you love don't like each other.  But, I think you need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your parents - without your wife present - about THEIR role in this and how THEIR behavior is upsetting YOU (not upsetting your wife, but upsetting YOU).

I know because I was in the same position and for the first 5 years of our marriage, my parents didn't like my DH and made rude comments and always dismissed him.  I was passive and kept telling my DH to "just ignore them" hoping it'll all go away.  Well, it didn't.  after a couple years of counseling (and a couple of attempts at sitting down with parents and DH) I realized that my parents love me and when I'd sit down with everyone and say "you're being mean to DH and he doesn't like it so stop"  What they heard was "my DH is upset about this but I either don't care or agree with you but to keep peace and for show I'm going to sit everyone down and publicly tell you to stop."

That didn't work.  Finally, when they truly believed that I - and I alone - was upset when hearing negative things about my DH they stopped.

we've been married 19 years this year and after a while (and a few reminders to my parents that they are upsetting ME with their comments) they ended up getting along with DH.  Now?  My mom, who is now a widow, goes to DH for advice instead of me for some things and they get along great.

All of this rambling is to say that you have to really feel bad when your parents make negative comments or yell at your wife and if you do - you need to tell your parents.  If you don't? you have much bigger problems.

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