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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Okay guys, OP here. Again. I went back and forth on continuing this thread, but ultimately I decided to update.

Many of the comments have been extremely harsh. Honestly though, that is not that shocking considering I am posting to an essentially all women/mother forum. You ladies empathize with the wife’s side, and I get that. It’s actually the relatable and natural position for you to take. I was pleased to see there were some comments that really “heard” where I was coming from. I’m not some complete jerk to my wife. I’m not perfect and neither is she. She has many wonderful qualities, but she can also be unforgiving and hold grudges, so it isn’t the easiest thing to side with her against someone I love. (I also wouldn’t side with someone else against her.)

Anyway, I took the advice to drop the idea of my wife and newborn attending the wedding. You all were loud and clear on that point. I have accepted her decision to not attend. I told her I willl be traveling Thursday - Monday and she gave me the green light. The tricky part is my son. She is still refusing to allow me to take him. We had a spirited discussion regarding it and are currently at an impasse. I have spoken to my mom about the situation and she has assured me that she will be happy to help care for my son basically the whole wedding, anytime I need anything. Due to the issues between my wife and my parents, my parents have spent very very little time with my son. (He is their only grandchild at this time.) So they are very eager. There will also be several Aunts, female cousins and friends of my mother present, some of whom I’m certain would pitch in.

My wife is being extremely emotional and unwilling to even entertain a calm and rational conversation about me taking my own kid to my brothers wedding. Surely many of you can see that that is not right. Right? She has stated that if i take my son, it will do such irreparable damage to the marriage that we likely wouldn’t survive. How would you respond to this? To those of you who at least can see that I have the right to take my son with me. Help me out here. I’d love to hear how you would frame your argument and if you’ve ever been in a situation like this before. (One where you disagreed on something regarding your child and how you came to a solution.) [/quote]

This 100%. Plus think of your brother and future SIL. I'm sure they would love to see your son but not at their wedding without his mom there to soothe him if he has a tantrum (and seriously, even the most perfect children have tantrums when they have just traveled and are away from one of their parents). Plus, it isn't fair to your brother and SIL if the best man and the mother of the groom have to be preoccupied during the wedding/reception caring for a toddler. As pp's said, someone will have to watch him ALL THE TIME. If you weren't in the wedding, as his dad, you could do that. But realistically, the only person you should trust to do that is his mom. Who is going to make sure he doesn't grab a glass of alcohol off the table and no one notices b/c they are all focused on your toast? I'm sure that grandma wants to play "mommy" for the weekend with her grandson. But is she going to give him a cookie and say "oh I bet your mean mommy doesn't let you have these kind of treats?" You are so sexist and obtuse (and I am sorry - I rarely use such harsh terms on DCUM) that you think that the only reason that we are siding with your wife is because we are all women. Your parents have been more than mean to her - they have been abusive and you have not stood up to her. You have agreed with them. Did you talk to your wife's obgyn about how the alcohol wasn't a big deal and then explain that to your mom? No, you fed the beast. Why did your mom even know? You are the one doing irreparable damage. I suggest that you get yourself into counseling if you want to save your marriage.

Dear Op,

Of course your wife is emotional right now!  She is pregnant and you are stressing her out.    You seem to think that 2 years old is a big kid but, really they are babies.  Ask yourself this:  Will your son be happy to be away from his mom?  Has he ever been away for that long?  What would you do if your son was inconsolable during the wedding?  If your son doesn't know anyone not sure how they are going to soothe him.

So, instead of thinking only of your "rights" to bring your son and how you want to prove your wife wrong why don't you think of your son?  Have you ever taken care of him for a weekend by yourself?  Ie wife not even there?  If your son was a bit older, say four I would say it would be easier for you.  Also, your wife doesn't trust your parents.  How would you feel if you didn't trust her parents and yet wife is asking them to take care of your most loved person in the world...your son!  Add to the fact, that I'm assuming you haven't taken care of him solo so surely you can understand why she is reluctant.

I were you I would back off on the wedding discussion.  Make plans for your parents to visit or you to take son to visit your parents before the wedding ( like other pps suggested)  Get your parents to start being nicer to your wife and you all try to make amends.  Then if that goes well and you can bring up the discussion about bringing your son to the wedding.

Personally, you will have a better time solo at the wedding.  The two year old will not miss anything by missing the wedding.  Heck we had our four year old nephew and he remembers nothing of the wedding!  He is going to be out of sorts with the new baby don't make it harder on you or him and leave the kid at home.

Also, we support your wife because we have given birth and some of us have difficult in-laws.  I don't think your mom is up to the challenge of taking care of a two year old and it isn't fair because she will miss most of her son's wedding if she has to. ( same with your Aunts, cousins etc.)  Who wants to go to a wedding and then not see it?[/quote][/quote]

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