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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I get it OP. We got an email about the "class gift" for one of my kids teachers earlier this week and they haven't sent the money yet because last week I did the money for the PTA fund, the money for the fund to give bonuses to specials teachers, I write thank you cards for each of my kids' EC coaches, and I ordered photo books for both sets of grandparents featuring highlights from their visits with our kids this year.

DH also got the class gift email. He also has Venmo.

If I asked him to do it, he would. He'd also be bewildered -- why ask when it's just a minute in my phone to do it? But it's not really about this one task. So instead i'm sitting on it and feeling resentful, and in the back of my head I'm thinking how the class mom is likely annoyed at me and others who haven't contributed yet, and that's fair because she's going above and beyond in organizing, and yet no one is annoyed with my husband. Except me.

The difference in expectations for moms and dads is vast.[/quote]

He’s probably bewildered that you think any of that BS is actually worth doing, let alone delegating.

I’m not writing thank you notes to teachers (I don’t give them gifts either).  I don’t make photo albums for grandparents.  If my DH felt any of that was important he’s free to take the lead on that - otherwise it’s not getting done.[/quote]

This seems like the gender reverse of the sexless marriage threads.

People talking about what they want from their spouses and others saying that no one has literally died from not doing it. 
[/quote]

Relationships with coaches don’t deteriorate because you don’t write thank you notes.

Someone earlier said some people are addicted to resentment - that was so true.[/quote]

Relationships deteriorate because people only do what they think is important and don’t care about what their spouse wants.  [/quote]

Sorry.  I saw that you wrote “relationships with coaches.”  
Maybe you weee responding to the wrong person?  Unless you want your spouse to have sex with your kids coaches :)[/quote]

You missed the point. If you don’t have sex with your spouse, your relationship will deteriorate. If the family doesn’t send thank you notes to a coach, the relationship with the coach doesn’t deteriorate. So why does one person get to decide that this is a family activity which requires full adult participation? Are you saying your marriage will deteriorate because one spouse doesn’t want to participate in time consuming activities that matter because the other spouse can’t prioritize?[/quote]

Said like someone who never thanks people for things.

I would argue that especially in a long relationship, expressing gratitude and acknowledgment for the other person is more important than sex. Early on the reverse might be true, but I'm 20 years into my relationship with my spouse and if we don't have sex for a month or something, I do not think it has any impact on our relationship at all (and we've gone that long and longer at various points due to things like injuries, mental health, grief, etc.).

Whereas expressing gratitude is essential to all of my relationships, including my marriage. We virtually never go a single day without thanking each other for something, whether it's unloading the dishwasher or listening to the other person vent about work or, yes, taking the time for physical intimacy.

Likewise, I think thanking the other adults in my kids' lives for their efforts is essential to our relationship -- I want those adults to know that I realize their job is not simple or easy and I see the benefits it has for my kids. I think that's really important and that if you never take the time to thank such people, you are undermining those relationships. Maybe that relationship doesn't matter to you, I sense it does not. But failing to thank them is absolutely harming the relationship, it's just you don't care.[/quote]

Lots of assumptions here, particularly that I don’t thank people. Weird shade from a woman who is married to man who thinks thanking people is beyond him. Sounds like you are a problematic woman since you have shade for me but not your helpless husband. [/quote]

She said that her husband doesn’t go a day without thanking her for something.  
You said that thanking someone is a “time consuming activity that doesn’t matter.”  [/quote]

Miss Multiparagraph said earlier that her husband thinks they should do all of these things but they are beyond him. So he says thank you to the poster but doesn’t send money to the class gift or thank the coach.

Writing thank you notes for your kids coach doesn’t matter over harmony in your marriage, no.

Keep up with your make work, though. [/quote]

I’m the poster who said that this seems like the inverse of the sexless marriage threads.  
You can go on thinking that whatever your wife wants is stupid.  It just surprises me how much of the language is exactly the same from the men on this thread as it is from the women in the sexless marriage threads.

The “I can’t believe that you would destroy your marriage over something so stupid” is a big trope in both.  
[/quote]

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