Reply to If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.

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Reply to "If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you."

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[quote=Anonymous]NP here. didn't read through 23 pages, but thought I'd offer my perspective. Wife here, with baby and toddler, and low sex drive. While exhaustion and the fact that between children and intense work load, everyone wants/needs something from me and I dont get to do anything for myself (no gym, no girltime, no hobbies, etc) I don't feel particularly 'giving.' and at 4months post partum I basically didn't want anyone touching me.

But that's not the real reason for not wanting a lot of sex now. The real reason is that DH is a rather boring lover who doesn't really try to meet my needs. I had a huge and creative and little bit kinky sex drive before and when we met, and knew that he would never meet it, but I hoped I could bring out more in him and we could meet halfway. He seemed to want to, when we were dating and first together and I explained how important it was for me.

But, things slide back to status quo, usually.  I tried for a couple years to convey my desires and figure out what his were, find ways to spice things up, but he is somewhat repressed and basically uncomfortable with anything beyond very straightforward, silent sex, usually in the dark.  Then we had kids, and I simply have no time/energy to put into making sex more interesting . Add to that he snores, put on 20  lbs and leaves crap all over the house and  my desire further plummets. 
This is not to say that we don't have sex--we average 3-4x/month because I feel its important that we maintain our intimacy and I don't want him to ever know that I'm not that interested. I love him and have no intention of an affair or leaving the marriage over sex. The thing is, I knew what he was like going into the marriage and so I have no one else to blame but myself. Sometimes I'm pissed that he doesn't try harder to meet my needs, but he meets alot of other needs...but I guess I wanted to convey that its not just having kids and exhaustion, its sometimes just losing the desire for your partner, which can come from a myriad of factors, but also, I think, can be regenerated if both partners are willing. I know that at some point, when our kids are older and we have a little more time, I want to explore once again making our sex life more vibrant.....[/quote]

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