Reply to Should grandma go to birthday party or visit with newborn?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, it is VERY telling that you have said not one word of excitement or care about your new niece or nephew. That precious baby is not guilty of doing or saying anything to hurt or manipulate you. [/quote]

That’s a good point. She is just focused on the attention being taken away from her child on her child’s birthday- which sounds objectively childish and self centered. I don’t doubt that her sister is an attention seeker, but in this objective situation (even though OP clearly
Couldn’t tell the story objectively, it was obvious from the first post which sister she was and which sister she disliked), it’s a no brainer that the grandma should
Visit the newborn in the hospital. [/quote]
No
She can go the next day. [/quote]

And she can also visit the toddler the next day. The toddler will love a second birthday “celebration”. The newborn won’t be in the hospital the next day. [/quote]

Why does the visit have to be at the hospital?[/quote]

Is this an earnest question? If it is- [b]visiting the new mom and baby at the hospital is often a big event, sort of a rite of passage.[/b] It would be uncommon for a grandparent to skip it for a birthday party. So uncommon, that if someone heard “oh her mom was going to come.l visit her and baby in the hospital but she’d already made plans”, it would immediately be assumed the grandma was aloof and uncaring .[/quote]

It's really not a rite of passage though. And it would not be uncommon for a grandparent to come a day later in order to attend a gathering in honor of another grandkid she already committed to. [/quote]

But if the new mom called her mom and asked her to come- after giving birth a month early!- it would in fact be unusual for the grandma to say no. For any reason. Neither daughter comes across as particularly pleasant IMO but the bottom line is, the birth of a new baby trumps a toddler birthday party under normal, non-dysfunctional circumstances.[/quote]

It’s unusual to ice out your mother in your last trimester of pregnancy and then call and ask her to come on only one specific day. So lots of unusualness here.[/quote]

The poster who keeps harping about "one specific day" seems to miss the fact that the "one specific day" is the day after the birth, aka the very first day the mom can probably have a visitor unless she wanted her mom present for the birth (I, for one, did not want either parent present for me pushing the baby out).  And also likely ONLY day mom could visit them in the hospital, which in many families/ American culture, is a big deal (yes, not for everyone, but for MANY people).  I would agree that the new mom was being ridiculous if she was already home with the baby and wanted her mom to come ONLY on day 5, not on day 4 or day 6, barring some specific medical issue.  But to want her mom to come as soon as possible after the baby is born is relatively normal

However, since everyone in this family seems to be terrible, it only makes sense that the new mom is semi estranged from her mother, the birthday mom resents her mother visiting her sibling, and that no one gets along with anyone. [/quote]

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