Reply to I think I’m going to have to contact my husband’s affair partner

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m OP I contacted her.  Fairly innocuous note asking a few clarifying questions and empathizing with the many lies he told her.  No response.  I  able to let this go now,  not sure I can explain why, but I am.

Fwiw, this young woman is very troubled.  I don’t consider her any one my husband would have chosen long term.  She’s attractive, I’m attractive, but yes she was younger and “new” [/quote]

Are you and he getting couples therapy? Is he getting individual therapy so he can work on why he risked his marriage and family for a shiny new toy? Do you believe him when he says she's troubled? Why believe him since, well, he lied about having an affair?

In other words: Your supposed closure you got from contacting her means nothing unless you and he are working on the root causes of his cheating and he is committing (not just in words but in actions) to being faithful. People who go after something new often are not contented for long when they lose their new plaything and will crave more newness eventually. If he's not working hard on that aspect of himself, with outside professional help, all the contact and questions with the OW mean nothing. They're a temporary salve to your hurt feelings but do not change HIS issues. [/quote]

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