Reply to Trying to handle baby + big law and failing miserably. Talk me down.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why is everyone mad at OP for not wanting to move to those midwestern cities? They sound terrible to me too! (I’m Asian)

Also, I know next to nothing about BigLaw, but it sounds like you do need to plan your exit, OP. If you were the workaholic type then it would make sense to stay and hire extra childcare, but it sounds like you miss your baby, so you need to find a more flexible job. So what if you pay your loan back in 2-3 years instead of 1? Long term, it won’t make much of a financial difference, but your quality of life will improve dramatically. There were a few months during DD’s first year where I wasn’t around much due to work, and I still feel twinges of guilt. Like you, my family is my first priority, not some brass ring.[/quote]

Eh, I was kind of a dick in the answer about the small cities. It was a joke but I get people being annoyed. Oh well.

But anyway, I think you're right. I don't want the extra outsourcing to succeed here, I want to be able to make bedtime. Thanks for phrasing that in a way that wasn't like some of the other posters insisting I'm screwing up my baby for not being around now. I see no problem with women working these hours if they enjoy the work/satisfaction of doing a good job, but I'm just not there.

Part of the reason I'm trying so hard to pay off the loans now is because without any loan payment or daycare, we can live off of DH's salary. It would be beyond nice to have the ability to stay home if I decide to. But, I don't think that's what I really want. I think I just want a 9-5. So, I am going to start to look, though I recognize it might take some time to find something that's the right fit. [/quote]

I think this last paragraph is a huge breakthrough, honestly. I also spent a lot of time/agony trying to get to a place where "I could stay home if I wanted to" but honestly? I don't want to! I don't want to work 60 hours a week but I also don't want to work zero. The good news is, there's a huge, huge gray area where you can work fewer hours and make enough money to pay off your loans and childcare. I think it's hard for some people (like me) who are more black and white thinkers, tend to be overachievers, etc., but it's actually amazing how many 'normal' jobs there are out there.[/quote]

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