Reply to Why do so many men feel entitled to sex within a marriage?

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Reply to "Why do so many men feel entitled to sex within a marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
If you want to call someone "shitty," fine. But loaded terms like "rape" and "rapey" should not be used so recklessly. [/quote]

It may be inappropriate, but I wouldn't call it "reckless." The coercion necessary to turn a demand for sex into rape is not a bright line but is a spectrum. Put a knife to her throat = rape. Threaten to cut someone else's throat = rape. Threaten to throw her out in the street with no clothes or money = probably rape. Threaten to fire her = closer to the line but still damaging and coercive. Threatening to keep requesting sex until she gives in is probably on the non-rape side of the line, but [b]it's still coercive and damaging.[/b] And you can see that rape line from there. So, I don't think using a term like "rapey"  is reckless. [/quote]

No. If she doesn't want to have sex, nothing is preventing her from not having it. So don't.

Again, this narrative paints the woman as a delicate thing who can't be expected to stand up for herself in the face of unending "requests." You don't want to listen to the requests anymore? Stand up on your own two feet and walk out the door.[/quote]

I am not a delicate thing.  I fended off repeated unwanted advances.  I refused to put my head in the sand and actively monitored my DH to uncover his lies.  I did this despite the severe negative career and financial impact.  And why the hell should *I* walk out?  I didn't do anything wrong.  When I had adequate, indisputable evidence, I told my husband the relationship was over and that *he* would have to leave.  Then I had to fend off his repeated advances over the next two years of co-parenting.

My question is, what kind of culture normalizes this -- that it's OK for a guy to lie to get sex and it's OK for a guy to repeatedly harass a woman for sex despite repeatedly being told no.  IMO, it's rape culture.  No one would ever tolerate this behavior from a stranger at a frat party, why should I tolerate it from someone who was my husband?  Why do you think it's OK for a guy to repeatedly behave like this and put the responsibility on me to say no a hundred times a hundred different ways?  No means no.   I should only have to say it once. [/quote]

That's a guy with a severe problem. I'd have little to do with him, do child exchanges in a neutral place and so fourth. Stop putting yourself in that situation, take someone to do the child exchanges with the ass hole.

You shouldn't have to say no. When you turn away, are busy doing stuff that should be enough of a hint in a marriage.  Sex needs to be something both want to do, not one taking advantage of the other. It's like anything else, lack of respect starts chipping away at the foundation.  It's one small part of a marriage, I can think of many other aspects that are more important than mine or my spouses sexual needs.  Our kids, good communication, finances, etc.

You ex was a total dick, be thankful you got out of there.[/quote]

After divorce you start remembering the red flags you ignored. I'm sure if she's dating she'll easily spot dysfunction when she sees it so not to end up with that kind of person again.[/quote]

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