Reply to Parents- nix these behaviors in your kids before they go to college

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP. Everyone is talking past each other. OP’s points are valid and valuable, and an important reminder — perhaps *especially* to those of us (waves hand) with neurodivergent kids.

It’s too bad that OP layered on top of these meaningful insights subjective judgments and broad generalizations, like all-caps “LAZINESS” and statements like “these kids are clearly being raised without consequences.” It’s these things, not the underlying points, that invited people to say “actually, it can be more complicated than mere parental neglect and child laziness.”

The skills are essential. And also, it can be more complicated. Both things are true. What would be most useful would be tips for helping kids get there — especially from parents whose kids took longer than peers to gain the skills. [/quote]

That's well said. I also think this thread (and many others) highlights the contradictory messaging and expectations for parents that are undermining healthy parenting and our kids' development. On the one hand, parents are blamed for helicoptering. We should step back and let our kids fail. On the other hand, when they fail, we are continually reminded that their failure is a reflection of our poor parenting. Don't derive your self-worth from your kids' successes, but also, you failed if your kid isn't perfect. Which is it? If we are to blame for them not showering once they are off to college, why wouldn't a professor be surprised when a parent contacts them?

I say this as a parent of a kid who is as much of a rule-follower as you can get, who easily fell into that state with little oversight from me. I have another kid who is the opposite and will likely wind up in therapy because my ceaseless efforts to force him to do what came easily to his sibling are interpreted as a lack of faith and belief in him.
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I think the point is that you let them fail when they are KIDS, so that when they are adults and go to college, they don't look like buffoons. [/quote]
+1 sort of, yes.  I'm a PP, and I've taught my kids as much as I can about this stuff, but let's face it, they are still going to fail sometimes.

I think OP is probably just fed up because of the sheer number of kids they are seeing like this, not just the rare few times.

As to the point about helicoptering vs natural consequences.. I always tell my kids that parenting is walking a fine line between overbearing and hands off.    As a parent, we have to find that fine line somewhere.[/quote]

then he should be writing to HS principals. Please teach kids how to send a proper email. If a parent in HS helps a kid with anything they are helicoptering.

Also, as a person who works in the real world, an email is informational, just the information please... I don't have time for your BS long emails trying to sound literary. [/quote]

You’re just…a loser. I cannot imagine having your shitty attitude and expecting success. I have polite, great students on my hands because we don’t as a family blame teachers for our deficits.[/quote]

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