Reply to 6th grade DD is being excluded from social events with longtime friends

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Reply to "6th grade DD is being excluded from social events with longtime friends"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]See this is the problem.  Over-coddling moms who point fingers at others instead of themselves.  The previous post is spot on and the retort from another mom is a picture of the mean girls.  It's so immature for parents to bad-mouth kids.  Like so petty and ridiculous and they see no wrong in it or themselves, or their own kids.  I am right and you are wrong.  What a way to parent! [/quote]

I'm a parent that definately thinks "what did my kid do wrong" when I'm told stuff.  I thought that with my girl in ES when her good friend (x) would make complaints about very petty stuff and that my kid was being mean, etc.  (I was best friends with X's mom for awhile). Then I began learned to question the other kids involved when there were issues (via asking their moms, also good friends).  Amazingly, I learned that 99.9% of the trouble in the group of 4 kids was kid X; the stories Mom of X was telling me were complete lies, and my kid was telling the truth 99.9% of the time.  Kid X tried to control what they girls did at lunch/recess and tried to turn the other 2 against my kid in ES at times.  Eventually, I learned that my kid was the one telling the truth and Kid X was the one "bullying" others. If kid x didn't get her way at recess (the girls would rotate who got to pick games each day, to try and keep it fair), she would pout and try to pull the others with her or she would tell my kid she couldn't sit at their table at lunch (and the other 2 kids were too shy, scared to say anything---my shy kid spent 2 months of first grade forced to eat at a different table by Kid X, yet Kid X was someone do activities with after school and Kid X would ask for playdates, etc. ).    By 4/5th grade one other in the group learned to stand up to kid X as well and that helped put an end to it (my kid had always just walked away and would join another group) .  Moved away in MS and then I heard even more stories about Kid X from my kid.  Learned I should have done a lot more in ES---my kid stood up for herself the best she could and didn't turn mean. I think Kid X just did these things because she wanted more attention from her parents and she enjoyed being able to be mean and have the adults assume it was others being mean to her.

Also figured out by 4th/5th grade that Kid X's younger sibling (lets call them Kid Z) was a terror/violent/mean when around Kid X.  I'm talking sending Kid X to ER a few times for throwing stuff/hitting hard/etc.   Her Parents always believed Kid X and blamed the younger Kid Z.  Then I had Kid Z with me and my kids several times for longer periods and I quickly learned Kid Z exhibited NONE of those behaviors when Kid X was NOT around (ie when not being bullied/taunted).  I suspect the older sibling was bullying (verbal and extreme sibling physical taunting) and got away with it because the parents believe kid X and "no way my kid could be doing that, she said she wasn't so it's not possible".  Kid X parents always complained about everyone else's kids, but Kid X could never do any wrong.

Well turns out they were very wrong.  And this behavior was very mild compared to alot of what happened in ES[/quote]

posts like this are what concern me.  You are so heavily involved and invested in your kid's lives.  Are they able to think and do for themselves?[/quote]

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