Reply to 6th grade DD is being excluded from social events with longtime friends

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Reply to "6th grade DD is being excluded from social events with longtime friends"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Gotta love all the moms whose kids get dropped from a friend group and place blame on all the other kids and not look at their own child.  And they throw out queen b and mean girls to rationalize that your kid is “so innocent” but maybe your kid did some things or are nothing like the rest of the group. That the other moms forced the friendship and your kid had fake friends for years.  And now they are sick of mom engineered friend-based groups and moving on.

My youngest is high maintenance. I knew once Girl Scouts  and group activities would start falling off, her friendships would too. It sucked but I am not an idiot to know that my daughter isn’t the coolest to hang out with. She is immature, likes playing kid games, and is kinda loud. Most of the other girls stayed friends. My daughter eventually found her tribe and all was well. I would never ever ever place blame on other children and name call them like some of you nasty moms here. And I certainly wouldn’t let my daughter bad mouth anyone. I made her rise above. She is even friendly with 2 of them again now that they are in 8th grade and she has matured more to their level.

The throwing around bully, mean girls, and queen b on friendships that die once they can do their own things is embarrassing. Over-involved moms are the toxic ones.  [/quote]

Thank you for being the only one here to not point fingers.  There are always 3 sides to every story.  Your daughter's side, their friend's side and the truth somewhere in-between.  The fact is even before moms starting deciding friend groups in the 2000's + (which I personally think exacerbates this) friend dynamics change in middle school.  Some mature faster than others. Some now have the autonomy for their own interests. Some have the choice to call on the phone or see who they want to see.  And for many, there are a lot of new kids in middle school. My kid's school has 4 other ES that join in.  Elementary school friendships rarely stay intact through high school.  Sometimes they let go for awhile and come back, and others they just simmer and die.  It seems that groups of girls that were forced to do all things together in ES definitely split apart.  Same with boys.  But the hurtful part is when a group of girls no longer connects with just one girl.  But normally it severs in multiple places. Two stay friends, three go their own way.  I can see how in this case the one girl feels excluded, especially if she was hanging onto this group instead of looking around at all the new friends she could make.  And the mom is making it worse because she is wanting to keep the connection with the moms.

Maybe the other girls were mean, maybe the daughter was mean. Maybe the connection that forced them together all of the time is lost.  It doesn't really matter.  Teach your daughter self worth and move on and find friends that WANT to be with her.  This will help her maintain positive relationships with woman AND men down the line.  The mom that asked her to find out what bothered them and change it gave terrible advice.  Unless your daughter is being abusive, she shouldn't change her personality, her quirks, or her values for ANYONE. She will find her people.  Mom, ask her to invite a girl or two from school over to hang out this Friday.  Get some pizza, make Halloween cookies, watch Hocus Pocus.  [/quote]

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