Reply to How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To the pp whose dad cheated:  it’s hard.  I guess if my dad had cheated, I would want some sort of justice and the only way that is in my control is to decide whether to have relationship with him or not.  For me, this justice piece is somehow related to well being and expectation for justice for my kids because I teach them to do the right thing in life and you want it to payoff in some sense.  Not able to explain clearly.

Thank you for engaging in a meaningful way.[/quote]

I thought about that too. I dearly missed the relationship I had with my father and I think when it comes down to it, I am still the child and it’s not my place to play judge and jury with my parents relationship. It was hurting me to have so much contempt and hate in my heart for someone I used to love and trust completely. It wasn’t necessarily my or my siblings place to punish him. We definitely did at first. My brother hated my dad so deeply it was almost scary. Like we had to talk him down from confronting him physically. My sister (who is still financially dependent on my parents) thought she might have to drop out of school or take on loans if he decided to stop paying for her school. Luckily he didn’t do any of that...

When I posted on DCUM years ago about this happening a lot of the responses were “why do you care? Stay out of your parents marriage.” I care because it’s not just my parents marriage but my family that is broken now. I’m relieved to not get responses like that again because it really hurt to hear that I wasn’t allowed to have an opinion on my parents marriage. [/quote]

Dear 29 year poster:  i hope you're still on.  Some thoughts:

--trust yourself.  I am older than you and this is one thing I would say to my younger self.  You are smart, thoughtful person and you should trust yourself feelings/thoughts/decisions.  Don't buy in to group thinking.  Get opinions and then decide what's good for you.
--society is built on consequences.  If I don't want certain behavior to occur, there need to be consequences in place if that behavior occurs.  We teach that to kids, we have laws in society, we have policies at work etc.  Therefore, I would want my dad to have consequences (ones that I can control) if he did cheat.  I don't think hate is the answer but strong consequences are important so that there is less of that behavior in the future (e.g. for your kids when they grow up).
--I find that women face consequences more in these types of situations because we accept it to a certain degree more.  Men are more forceful about outcome they want (no consequence for cheating for example) and will expect outcome to be the way they want it.  Look at how many of the men respond to these types of posts.  I don't want to accept that situation as a woman.

Since you have heard one side of the story on this forum, I wanted to bring the other perspective.  Hopefully you read this and decide the best outcome for you.  It's been a good discussion.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics