Reply to Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?

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Reply to "Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This has been such a heated and interesting discussion.  As the mom of two above average (but not super elite) athletes,  I am thrilled with the role sports has played in their lives. I agree that you cannot make every family function or birthday party that comes down the pike - but that is not the issue here OP raised here.  Her specific circumstances, and the special relationship she has with her sister, in my opinion, seem worthy grounds for the using "I need to miss a game card".   It happens all of the time- especially at age 14.  To suggest otherwise is crazy.  People that make the choice to miss a wedding over a tournament do so for personal reasons driven by their personal values - this thread is about personal choice - not about a toxic sports culture. OP's sister chose not to play her card for reasons only she knows - and honestly OP - hard as it is, I would let it go.  This is all about her kid and some sort of pressure she is under and not you.  In her mind it is okay and makes sense.  She wouldn't do it if she didn't think you would understand.  On the other hand - as a parent sitting among many different personality types on the bench - it does seem clear that there is a fine line between dedication and desperation.  [/quote]

This is a wise post to me.  I have a close friend whose sports nuttiness for her oldest child seems based on desperation, though it may look like dedication and commitment and other good qualities.  The desperation is not a bad thing necessarily.  How I see it is she is so worried that her kid will not fit in, have a bad life experience, and go in the wrong direction (like hanging with the drugee kids) from being cut from a team or whatever, that she is doggedly focused on his team sports.  I also think that my friend may be projecting onto this kid a success that maybe she wanted or somehow living through the kid.  Not sure any of this is relevant to this thread, but I did wonder if some of this was at play for OP's sister.  Or at least I did not assume that OP's sister was just worried about keeping the commitment to the team.  There can be a lot of kooky stuff at play when it comes to parents and their kids sports.  So much so that it made me think this was more about the parents really than the actual kid making a choice.

It sounds like OP's sister wouldn't play the get-out-of-sports card for any event.  It does not sound like the sister diminishes the importance of the wedding.  Sounds like the tourney might trump a funeral too.  I guess that's the level of importance (or desperation) she feels.[/quote]

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