I'm the one who posted the math equation. Wow people read so much into posts (whether mine or the OP's or others') that they are engaging in a fictional debate. They call that creating a straw man, no?

Someone posted suck it I got a full scholarship. Someone posted a reminder that there was likely a large financial outlay to get that scholarship. So I thought let's calculate it in one hypothetical instance and see. It was essentially a wash.

I can do the same calculation for a kid on a piano or ballet scholarship. I just don't know an example of the monthly outlay for participation in those activities. I assume it's pretty damn pricey.

Did not comment on anything more than the little calculation. The people on this thread are projecting and assuming so much that it's actually an interesting aspect of this entire thread and kinda weird.

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Anonymous wrote:You know, my husband's family can never understand why some of their kids can't make family events because of prior sports commitments and they give them such a hard time. But my family was like that, and you know what? It paid for my college education IN FULL. So suck it.

The time for both the parents and children and money involved in competitive sports is way more than the cost of college, not even factoring in the cost of your relationship with your family. I think most families are accommodating of special events. When you can't make any once a year family event because of a sports commitment year after year it gets to be old.

My brother's kid has a full ride to play college v-ball. He's been complaining for the last 8 years that they've been paying $1000 a month to pay for her to play in the elite club to make the college scholarship a reality. Let me do that math. Let's say college is $120k. $1000x12x8=$96,000. They are coming out a tiny bit ahead, in this very rough estimation.

Yeah, so let's just have your kids stay at home and play video games all day. That way they won't develop self-confidence, a positive body image, a sense of teamwork and dedication and hard work, exposure to people from different cultures, and a million other things. Yes, my parents spent money on fees and travel, but what I gained from playing sports has served me well my entire life. Especially as a woman, there is nothing greater than the hard earned respect for what your body can do as opposed to what it looks like.

Your post is not at all responsive to the post above it. Did you quote the correct post? Anyway, you're insulting the celloist and the artist and the creative writer and the chess player and the math club kid. Do you really believe that playing sports is the only way to get a kid from playing video games all day and the only way to develop self-confidence and a positive body image? So defensive, I wonder if you're in your 20s. No one is saying sports don't (or at least can't) impart great things. Usually they do. Sometimes they impart really crappy things, like anorexia in a gymnast or cheerleader. But BTW, missing one game for a wedding doesn't cancel out the benefits of playing years of sports!

You are the one missing the point. Do you know how much it costs for instrument lessons. What the poster that did a cost benefit analysis did was to say the benefit is only a college scholarship. That poster does not understand the "other" intangible benefits of anything... math club, robotics, creative writing, instruments, etc....


All cost money... lots of money.

Actually the PP was responding to the sports minded parent who said all the sacrifice was worth it because the college education was funded. "But my family was like that, and you know what? It paid for my college education IN FULL. So suck it." I saw it as simply commenting on the cost of sports verses college. While there are some great benefits, you both seem to be missing the fact that there are also problems that arise with such devotion and cost. The more talented child gets all the attention and time of a parent, families lose their savings nest, child develops a perfectionist or elitist attitude, family and friend relationships outside the area of interest diminish. To some, there are more benefits with sports or specializing, but others see it as pluses and minuses.

and then somebody said sports are not worth the money spent unless there is a return on the investment. I highlighted the text for you so you can follow along. The next poster said, unless you kids are in no activities, there is a cost. It does not matter if the activity is soccer or robotics. It all costs a lot of money.

Where did PP say sports weren't worth the money? I read this differently. The dad of the daughter was complaining about the money spent on the sport. PP stated that the cost to play over the years verses the cost to go to college was close the same. PP didn't see any monetary benefit, but there's no comment on other benefits or problems associated with the sport.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You know, my husband's family can never understand why some of their kids can't make family events because of prior sports commitments and they give them such a hard time. But my family was like that, and you know what? It paid for my college education IN FULL. So suck it.

The time for both the parents and children and money involved in competitive sports is way more than the cost of college, not even factoring in the cost of your relationship with your family. I think most families are accommodating of special events. When you can't make any once a year family event because of a sports commitment year after year it gets to be old.

My brother's kid has a full ride to play college v-ball. He's been complaining for the last 8 years that they've been paying $1000 a month to pay for her to play in the elite club to make the college scholarship a reality. Let me do that math. Let's say college is $120k. $1000x12x8=$96,000. They are coming out a tiny bit ahead, in this very rough estimation.

Yeah, so let's just have your kids stay at home and play video games all day. That way they won't develop self-confidence, a positive body image, a sense of teamwork and dedication and hard work, exposure to people from different cultures, and a million other things. Yes, my parents spent money on fees and travel, but what I gained from playing sports has served me well my entire life. Especially as a woman, there is nothing greater than the hard earned respect for what your body can do as opposed to what it looks like.

Your post is not at all responsive to the post above it. Did you quote the correct post? Anyway, you're insulting the celloist and the artist and the creative writer and the chess player and the math club kid. Do you really believe that playing sports is the only way to get a kid from playing video games all day and the only way to develop self-confidence and a positive body image? So defensive, I wonder if you're in your 20s. No one is saying sports don't (or at least can't) impart great things. Usually they do. Sometimes they impart really crappy things, like anorexia in a gymnast or cheerleader. But BTW, missing one game for a wedding doesn't cancel out the benefits of playing years of sports!

You are the one missing the point. Do you know how much it costs for instrument lessons. What the poster that did a cost benefit analysis did was to say the benefit is only a college scholarship. That poster does not understand the "other" intangible benefits of anything... math club, robotics, creative writing, instruments, etc....


All cost money... lots of money.

Actually the PP was responding to the sports minded parent who said all the sacrifice was worth it because the college education was funded. "But my family was like that, and you know what? It paid for my college education IN FULL. So suck it." I saw it as simply commenting on the cost of sports verses college. While there are some great benefits, you both seem to be missing the fact that there are also problems that arise with such devotion and cost. The more talented child gets all the attention and time of a parent, families lose their savings nest, child develops a perfectionist or elitist attitude, family and friend relationships outside the area of interest diminish. To some, there are more benefits with sports or specializing, but others see it as pluses and minuses.

and then somebody said sports are not worth the money spent unless there is a return on the investment. I highlighted the text for you so you can follow along. The next poster said, unless you kids are in no activities, there is a cost. It does not matter if the activity is soccer or robotics. It all costs a lot of money.

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Anonymous wrote:So I think this thread has shown us that different families work differently. For those who didn't already know that, here you go. Try not to be so horrified that everyone doesn't do everything like you would.

OP here. I think this is my takeaway from this thread. So thank you everyone - it's a valuable takeway and helped me process and move through this.

I actually believe my sister is pretty darn consistent with me on how we view family and I think we both agree that celebratory family gatherings like this present a tremendous opportunity and reward. But somehow sports in her kids' lives seem to trump everything for her for whatever various reasons. I can't tell her how her nuclear family should work, even when it impacts others. I can just be disappointed for me, my partner, my mom, my dad, my grandmother and others who all want my niece to be there with us, and even for my niece (because I subscribe to the fact that these types of moments can be a thread in the beautiful fabric that is a family over the years; sorry for the cheese!). And even for my sister who I am sure wishes she would not have forgotten the tournament and could have her kid in both places. But it is what it is. I told my mom to smack me upside the head if in 14 years I end up with a different outlook. She said she absolutely would.

You will think differently in 14 years.... and if you mom is a good mom, she will let the lesson just be learned and not smack you upside the head.

There are tons of things you will do in the next 40 years that your 40 year old self can't imagine you would do.

Good luck with the next 60+ years, it will be educational.

I love the people who think and say Oh Just Wait, as a way of dismissing a value or perspective or position,. Guess what, there are people on this thread who have teens and think the same as OP does pre-kids.

Are there people on this forum who knew exactly how they were going to raise their children BEFORE they had children and never wavered from that thinking. If so, that is sad.

There are people that want their child to be an athlete no matter what and there are people who will only devote a certain amount of time and money to each child no matter what. We know families that had rock star gymnasts who just weren't willing to devote the time, money, and energy into making them Olympians. And parents that coached and sought out travel teams for their child even though the child had no strong devotion or great skill in a sport.

And some people want their kids to go to an Ivy league school no matter the cost financially or emotionally.

the point is ... the good parent gets to know their child before they make parenting decision. The OP of this thread things that she knows what she will do with her imaginary children that are not even born yet. She know exactly what she would do... in 14 years and if she does not do exactly what she thinks she would do ... she wants her mom to hit her upside the head.. You can't parent the kids you think you will have you actually have to wait until your child is born ... then make decisions about how to raise them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I think this thread has shown us that different families work differently. For those who didn't already know that, here you go. Try not to be so horrified that everyone doesn't do everything like you would.

OP here. I think this is my takeaway from this thread. So thank you everyone - it's a valuable takeway and helped me process and move through this.

I actually believe my sister is pretty darn consistent with me on how we view family and I think we both agree that celebratory family gatherings like this present a tremendous opportunity and reward. But somehow sports in her kids' lives seem to trump everything for her for whatever various reasons. I can't tell her how her nuclear family should work, even when it impacts others. I can just be disappointed for me, my partner, my mom, my dad, my grandmother and others who all want my niece to be there with us, and even for my niece (because I subscribe to the fact that these types of moments can be a thread in the beautiful fabric that is a family over the years; sorry for the cheese!). And even for my sister who I am sure wishes she would not have forgotten the tournament and could have her kid in both places. But it is what it is. I told my mom to smack me upside the head if in 14 years I end up with a different outlook. She said she absolutely would.

You will think differently in 14 years.... and if you mom is a good mom, she will let the lesson just be learned and not smack you upside the head.

There are tons of things you will do in the next 40 years that your 40 year old self can't imagine you would do.

Good luck with the next 60+ years, it will be educational.

I love the people who think and say Oh Just Wait, as a way of dismissing a value or perspective or position,. Guess what, there are people on this thread who have teens and think the same as OP does pre-kids.

Are there people on this forum who knew exactly how they were going to raise their children BEFORE they had children and never wavered from that thinking. If so, that is sad.

There are people that want their child to be an athlete no matter what and there are people who will only devote a certain amount of time and money to each child no matter what. We know families that had rock star gymnasts who just weren't willing to devote the time, money, and energy into making them Olympians. And parents that coached and sought out travel teams for their child even though the child had no strong devotion or great skill in a sport.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You know, my husband's family can never understand why some of their kids can't make family events because of prior sports commitments and they give them such a hard time. But my family was like that, and you know what? It paid for my college education IN FULL. So suck it.

The time for both the parents and children and money involved in competitive sports is way more than the cost of college, not even factoring in the cost of your relationship with your family. I think most families are accommodating of special events. When you can't make any once a year family event because of a sports commitment year after year it gets to be old.

My brother's kid has a full ride to play college v-ball. He's been complaining for the last 8 years that they've been paying $1000 a month to pay for her to play in the elite club to make the college scholarship a reality. Let me do that math. Let's say college is $120k. $1000x12x8=$96,000. They are coming out a tiny bit ahead, in this very rough estimation.

Yeah, so let's just have your kids stay at home and play video games all day. That way they won't develop self-confidence, a positive body image, a sense of teamwork and dedication and hard work, exposure to people from different cultures, and a million other things. Yes, my parents spent money on fees and travel, but what I gained from playing sports has served me well my entire life. Especially as a woman, there is nothing greater than the hard earned respect for what your body can do as opposed to what it looks like.

Your post is not at all responsive to the post above it. Did you quote the correct post? Anyway, you're insulting the celloist and the artist and the creative writer and the chess player and the math club kid. Do you really believe that playing sports is the only way to get a kid from playing video games all day and the only way to develop self-confidence and a positive body image? So defensive, I wonder if you're in your 20s. No one is saying sports don't (or at least can't) impart great things. Usually they do. Sometimes they impart really crappy things, like anorexia in a gymnast or cheerleader. But BTW, missing one game for a wedding doesn't cancel out the benefits of playing years of sports!

You are the one missing the point. Do you know how much it costs for instrument lessons. What the poster that did a cost benefit analysis did was to say the benefit is only a college scholarship. That poster does not understand the "other" intangible benefits of anything... math club, robotics, creative writing, instruments, etc....


All cost money... lots of money.

Actually the PP was responding to the sports minded parent who said all the sacrifice was worth it because the college education was funded. "But my family was like that, and you know what? It paid for my college education IN FULL. So suck it." I saw it as simply commenting on the cost of sports verses college. While there are some great benefits, you both seem to be missing the fact that there are also problems that arise with such devotion and cost. The more talented child gets all the attention and time of a parent, families lose their savings nest, child develops a perfectionist or elitist attitude, family and friend relationships outside the area of interest diminish. To some, there are more benefits with sports or specializing, but others see it as pluses and minuses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know, my husband's family can never understand why some of their kids can't make family events because of prior sports commitments and they give them such a hard time. But my family was like that, and you know what? It paid for my college education IN FULL. So suck it.

The time for both the parents and children and money involved in competitive sports is way more than the cost of college, not even factoring in the cost of your relationship with your family. I think most families are accommodating of special events. When you can't make any once a year family event because of a sports commitment year after year it gets to be old.

My brother's kid has a full ride to play college v-ball. He's been complaining for the last 8 years that they've been paying $1000 a month to pay for her to play in the elite club to make the college scholarship a reality. Let me do that math. Let's say college is $120k. $1000x12x8=$96,000. They are coming out a tiny bit ahead, in this very rough estimation.

Yeah, so let's just have your kids stay at home and play video games all day. That way they won't develop self-confidence, a positive body image, a sense of teamwork and dedication and hard work, exposure to people from different cultures, and a million other things. Yes, my parents spent money on fees and travel, but what I gained from playing sports has served me well my entire life. Especially as a woman, there is nothing greater than the hard earned respect for what your body can do as opposed to what it looks like.

Your post is not at all responsive to the post above it. Did you quote the correct post? Anyway, you're insulting the celloist and the artist and the creative writer and the chess player and the math club kid. Do you really believe that playing sports is the only way to get a kid from playing video games all day and the only way to develop self-confidence and a positive body image? So defensive, I wonder if you're in your 20s. No one is saying sports don't (or at least can't) impart great things. Usually they do. Sometimes they impart really crappy things, like anorexia in a gymnast or cheerleader. But BTW, missing one game for a wedding doesn't cancel out the benefits of playing years of sports!

You are the one missing the point. Do you know how much it costs for instrument lessons. What the poster that did a cost benefit analysis did was to say the benefit is only a college scholarship. That poster does not understand the "other" intangible benefits of anything... math club, robotics, creative writing, instruments, etc....


All cost money... lots of money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know, my husband's family can never understand why some of their kids can't make family events because of prior sports commitments and they give them such a hard time. But my family was like that, and you know what? It paid for my college education IN FULL. So suck it.

The time for both the parents and children and money involved in competitive sports is way more than the cost of college, not even factoring in the cost of your relationship with your family. I think most families are accommodating of special events. When you can't make any once a year family event because of a sports commitment year after year it gets to be old.

My brother's kid has a full ride to play college v-ball. He's been complaining for the last 8 years that they've been paying $1000 a month to pay for her to play in the elite club to make the college scholarship a reality. Let me do that math. Let's say college is $120k. $1000x12x8=$96,000. They are coming out a tiny bit ahead, in this very rough estimation.

Yeah, so let's just have your kids stay at home and play video games all day. That way they won't develop self-confidence, a positive body image, a sense of teamwork and dedication and hard work, exposure to people from different cultures, and a million other things. Yes, my parents spent money on fees and travel, but what I gained from playing sports has served me well my entire life. Especially as a woman, there is nothing greater than the hard earned respect for what your body can do as opposed to what it looks like.

Your post is not at all responsive to the post above it. Did you quote the correct post? Anyway, you're insulting the celloist and the artist and the creative writer and the chess player and the math club kid. Do you really believe that playing sports is the only way to get a kid from playing video games all day and the only way to develop self-confidence and a positive body image? So defensive, I wonder if you're in your 20s. No one is saying sports don't (or at least can't) impart great things. Usually they do. Sometimes they impart really crappy things, like anorexia in a gymnast or cheerleader. But BTW, missing one game for a wedding doesn't cancel out the benefits of playing years of sports!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know, my husband's family can never understand why some of their kids can't make family events because of prior sports commitments and they give them such a hard time. But my family was like that, and you know what? It paid for my college education IN FULL. So suck it.

The time for both the parents and children and money involved in competitive sports is way more than the cost of college, not even factoring in the cost of your relationship with your family. I think most families are accommodating of special events. When you can't make any once a year family event because of a sports commitment year after year it gets to be old.

My brother's kid has a full ride to play college v-ball. He's been complaining for the last 8 years that they've been paying $1000 a month to pay for her to play in the elite club to make the college scholarship a reality. Let me do that math. Let's say college is $120k. $1000x12x8=$96,000. They are coming out a tiny bit ahead, in this very rough estimation.

Yeah, so let's just have your kids stay at home and play video games all day. That way they won't develop self-confidence, a positive body image, a sense of teamwork and dedication and hard work, exposure to people from different cultures, and a million other things. Yes, my parents spent money on fees and travel, but what I gained from playing sports has served me well my entire life. Especially as a woman, there is nothing greater than the hard earned respect for what your body can do as opposed to what it looks like.

You are the one projecting that anyone not dedicated to sports above everything else is a loser. How do you feel about all the people that couldn't possibly even spend this type of money on their child?

Anonymous wrote:This has been such a heated and interesting discussion. As the mom of two above average (but not super elite) athletes, I am thrilled with the role sports has played in their lives. I agree that you cannot make every family function or birthday party that comes down the pike - but that is not the issue here OP raised here. Her specific circumstances, and the special relationship she has with her sister, in my opinion, seem worthy grounds for the using "I need to miss a game card". It happens all of the time- especially at age 14. To suggest otherwise is crazy. People that make the choice to miss a wedding over a tournament do so for personal reasons driven by their personal values - this thread is about personal choice - not about a toxic sports culture. OP's sister chose not to play her card for reasons only she knows - and honestly OP - hard as it is, I would let it go. This is all about her kid and some sort of pressure she is under and not you. In her mind it is okay and makes sense. She wouldn't do it if she didn't think you would understand. On the other hand - as a parent sitting among many different personality types on the bench - it does seem clear that there is a fine line between dedication and desperation.

This is a wise post to me. I have a close friend whose sports nuttiness for her oldest child seems based on desperation, though it may look like dedication and commitment and other good qualities. The desperation is not a bad thing necessarily. How I see it is she is so worried that her kid will not fit in, have a bad life experience, and go in the wrong direction (like hanging with the drugee kids) from being cut from a team or whatever, that she is doggedly focused on his team sports. I also think that my friend may be projecting onto this kid a success that maybe she wanted or somehow living through the kid. Not sure any of this is relevant to this thread, but I did wonder if some of this was at play for OP's sister. Or at least I did not assume that OP's sister was just worried about keeping the commitment to the team. There can be a lot of kooky stuff at play when it comes to parents and their kids sports. So much so that it made me think this was more about the parents really than the actual kid making a choice.

It sounds like OP's sister wouldn't play the get-out-of-sports card for any event. It does not sound like the sister diminishes the importance of the wedding. Sounds like the tourney might trump a funeral too. I guess that's the level of importance (or desperation) she feels.

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Anonymous wrote:He was 99. The funeral was a celebration of his life. Our grandfather was a fun and caring man. The 10 year old can understand funny stories about a person's life. People gave speeches at the funeral about how great he was at his business and taking care of employees, with family, and with friends. My 10 year old is able to understand most of these stories. Sorry yours isn't. And either way, a 10 year olds basketball tournament is not that important. Even if he didn't understand all the stories, he would have spent time with his entire extended family and his cousins which I think is still more important than a 10 year olds tournament.

I don't believe you. Ask you child in 10 years 1 story about your grandfather, he won't know one.

Whether an actual story is remembered or not, is not the point. My child will know where his great grandfather is buried, will have memories of the funeral, and will remember that he was admired and loved. He will feel that the great grandfather was part of his life a little more than if he didn't attend. You seriously would have your child miss a funeral of a their last great grandparent for a basketball tournament? I actually don't even think it was a tournament. Just a game. Like it matters either way.

I am sorry but you are wrong. If you child knows anything about his great grandfather it is because you have pictures of him around the house, you have family over on a regular basis and your tell the same story over and over and over again.

A child does not know this from 1 day when he was 10. If it was important to you to have him there, great, that is more about you than him. But your imagination of how this 1 event will affect your child is overstated.

Maybe what makes the impression on the child then is the values of family events and what that means and how it can keep families together. My family is different and spends a lot of time together, so missing a family event like a wedding or funeral is a big deal (even though you would think it would be less of a big deal because we do see each other a lot) but missing everyday things, bday parties or even holidays sometimes (because of marriages etc). Anyway I think that might be where PP is coming from?

My family is different and spends a lot of time together, so missing 1 family event is not a big deal. .... cousins are like brothers/sisters... I guess it would be a big deal if my kids never saw extended family. I think it is the everyday interactions that are more important and less forced.

That's great that you live so close. Most families don't anymore. Everyone goes off to the city or wherever the greatest job offer comes from for them even if it means mom and dad or sis won't live nearby. Many families only see each other on special occasions. No one wants to take the time to visit unless it's a big deal. OP's sister lives 4 hours away. That's a big enough distance to have to stop a usual routine to see someone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was 99. The funeral was a celebration of his life. Our grandfather was a fun and caring man. The 10 year old can understand funny stories about a person's life. People gave speeches at the funeral about how great he was at his business and taking care of employees, with family, and with friends. My 10 year old is able to understand most of these stories. Sorry yours isn't. And either way, a 10 year olds basketball tournament is not that important. Even if he didn't understand all the stories, he would have spent time with his entire extended family and his cousins which I think is still more important than a 10 year olds tournament.

I don't believe you. Ask you child in 10 years 1 story about your grandfather, he won't know one.

Whether an actual story is remembered or not, is not the point. My child will know where his great grandfather is buried, will have memories of the funeral, and will remember that he was admired and loved. He will feel that the great grandfather was part of his life a little more than if he didn't attend. You seriously would have your child miss a funeral of a their last great grandparent for a basketball tournament? I actually don't even think it was a tournament. Just a game. Like it matters either way.

I am sorry but you are wrong. If you child knows anything about his great grandfather it is because you have pictures of him around the house, you have family over on a regular basis and your tell the same story over and over and over again.

A child does not know this from 1 day when he was 10. If it was important to you to have him there, great, that is more about you than him. But your imagination of how this 1 event will affect your child is overstated.

So now a 10 year old's basketball game is more important than a wedding or a funeral? When does this devotion to sports over all other things start? The minute the kid makes a travel team? The minute they start in a sport at age 4?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know, my husband's family can never understand why some of their kids can't make family events because of prior sports commitments and they give them such a hard time. But my family was like that, and you know what? It paid for my college education IN FULL. So suck it.

The time for both the parents and children and money involved in competitive sports is way more than the cost of college, not even factoring in the cost of your relationship with your family. I think most families are accommodating of special events. When you can't make any once a year family event because of a sports commitment year after year it gets to be old.

My brother's kid has a full ride to play college v-ball. He's been complaining for the last 8 years that they've been paying $1000 a month to pay for her to play in the elite club to make the college scholarship a reality. Let me do that math. Let's say college is $120k. $1000x12x8=$96,000. They are coming out a tiny bit ahead, in this very rough estimation.

Yeah, so let's just have your kids stay at home and play video games all day. That way they won't develop self-confidence, a positive body image, a sense of teamwork and dedication and hard work, exposure to people from different cultures, and a million other things. Yes, my parents spent money on fees and travel, but what I gained from playing sports has served me well my entire life. Especially as a woman, there is nothing greater than the hard earned respect for what your body can do as opposed to what it looks like.

So now children who don't go to every game even at age 10 are going to spend their lives playing video games all day? You can develop those things many ways, even with video games and certainly on less competitive sports teams and even on travel teams that allow missing a game for a wedding or funeral. I don't get how there's such a sense of teamwork on the field but no sense of teamwork as a family. Why can't a child experience both?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was 99. The funeral was a celebration of his life. Our grandfather was a fun and caring man. The 10 year old can understand funny stories about a person's life. People gave speeches at the funeral about how great he was at his business and taking care of employees, with family, and with friends. My 10 year old is able to understand most of these stories. Sorry yours isn't. And either way, a 10 year olds basketball tournament is not that important. Even if he didn't understand all the stories, he would have spent time with his entire extended family and his cousins which I think is still more important than a 10 year olds tournament.

I don't believe you. Ask you child in 10 years 1 story about your grandfather, he won't know one.

Whether an actual story is remembered or not, is not the point. My child will know where his great grandfather is buried, will have memories of the funeral, and will remember that he was admired and loved. He will feel that the great grandfather was part of his life a little more than if he didn't attend. You seriously would have your child miss a funeral of a their last great grandparent for a basketball tournament? I actually don't even think it was a tournament. Just a game. Like it matters either way.

I am sorry but you are wrong. If you child knows anything about his great grandfather it is because you have pictures of him around the house, you have family over on a regular basis and your tell the same story over and over and over again.

A child does not know this from 1 day when he was 10. If it was important to you to have him there, great, that is more about you than him. But your imagination of how this 1 event will affect your child is overstated.

Maybe what makes the impression on the child then is the values of family events and what that means and how it can keep families together. My family is different and spends a lot of time together, so missing a family event like a wedding or funeral is a big deal (even though you would think it would be less of a big deal because we do see each other a lot) but missing everyday things, bday parties or even holidays sometimes (because of marriages etc). Anyway I think that might be where PP is coming from?

My family is different and spends a lot of time together, so missing 1 family event is not a big deal. .... cousins are like brothers/sisters... I guess it would be a big deal if my kids never saw extended family. I think it is the everyday interactions that are more important and less forced.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know, my husband's family can never understand why some of their kids can't make family events because of prior sports commitments and they give them such a hard time. But my family was like that, and you know what? It paid for my college education IN FULL. So suck it.

The time for both the parents and children and money involved in competitive sports is way more than the cost of college, not even factoring in the cost of your relationship with your family. I think most families are accommodating of special events. When you can't make any once a year family event because of a sports commitment year after year it gets to be old.

My brother's kid has a full ride to play college v-ball. He's been complaining for the last 8 years that they've been paying $1000 a month to pay for her to play in the elite club to make the college scholarship a reality. Let me do that math. Let's say college is $120k. $1000x12x8=$96,000. They are coming out a tiny bit ahead, in this very rough estimation.

Yeah, so let's just have your kids stay at home and play video games all day. That way they won't develop self-confidence, a positive body image, a sense of teamwork and dedication and hard work, exposure to people from different cultures, and a million other things. Yes, my parents spent money on fees and travel, but what I gained from playing sports has served me well my entire life. Especially as a woman, there is nothing greater than the hard earned respect for what your body can do as opposed to what it looks like.