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[quote=Anonymous]Honestly, OP, having been the victim of infidelity myself, I'll give you some advice that I myself wish I had received -- negotiate a post-nup agreement.  Even the act of negotiating it sends a very clear signal to your DH about expectations and consequences moving forward.

He has significantly violated the marriage even if it was only an EA.  He spent at least a year lying to you.  It is not fair to ask you to stay without making explicit the terms on which you are willing to stay and the consequences if he violates his promises to you again.

For me, terms would include complete transparency on whereabouts, including access to all phone and email and banking records.  Terms would also include whatever I needed to be able to work full time (his participation in child/house/life care or paying for extra childcare instead of being forced to take on these myself.)  And, finally, post-nup terms would be negotiated in terms of divorce, custody, financial split of assets, etc. These terms would have to enable me to stay in the home and have primary custody of any kids (no overnight visitation).  I know people will whine about the latter, but 10 years after my split due to infidelity due in part to alcoholism, I will say that having full custody of my kids is the best thing that I did for them.  They have plenty of visitation and have a decent relationship with their father, but being able to give them one stable home and one stable parent has meant that we have avoided a lot of the problems I see in my ex's family due to his own parent's alcoholism.  I am hoping to break the cycle, and it looks like we are succeeding, but of course, I won't know for sure until the kids are older.  I also know people will whine about the notion that a post-nup should be anything other than 50/50 and that their shouldn't be any "penalty to pay", I think the reality is that you are taking a HUGE gamble by staying and you are forgoing other potential opportunities  to build a happy and stable life.  Your choice has an opportunity cost that your husband should pay should he violate his promises to you.

If he balks at negotiating and signing a post-nup favorable to you, that tells you all you need to know about how sincere he is.  [/quote]

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