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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]this
[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sex for sure.  It's dwindled down to about every other month and only if I push for it.  42 years old.  It used to be a source of tension but I have stopped initiating and now we just don't do it.

I am not resentful towards her anymore over lack of sex.  More like indifference now.  We coparent well so maybe this can work until the kids leave the house.  She talks about retirement plans still which seems odd to me that she thinks this is normal and how couples grow old together.[/quote]

Yes, sexless marriages is normal especially after a woman raises kids and a man-child.
Looking back you should have considered her mental load.[/quote]

and this:

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]His idea of dividing all the family responsibilities:  I’ll do my best and she’ll do the rest.   [/quote]

Yeah, essentially this for us, too. More like: I do what I feel like, when I feel like, and she'll do the rest.[/quote]

Ha!  I have told my husband that he is like the first roommate to move out.  Takes a few of the bigger, obvious things, but then leaves all of the little crap that no one really wants, but which is somehow 80% of what is there.  [/quote]

I love this analogy. I was always the last roommate out and this is so true! [/quote]

I know, right?  I think that's why people always have such a difficult time describing what they do that takes so long.

Ok, so we packed up the kitchen, the books, and all of the clothes and moved the furniture out.  That should be like 90% of it, right?  It's like cooking, laundry, yardwork, and grocery shopping.

But somehow that's only like 20% of it.  And when you go to describe what's left it all is stuff that's so overlooked that it sounds kind of crazy to complain about it.  Well, I have the christmas decorations and have to clean out stuff under the bathroom sink, go through the garage, the sheets, towels, bedspreads, paintings on the walls...  And everything you list just sounds like nothing compared to the big stuff.  But somehow, by their power combined, the miscellaneous is more powerful than all of the big stuff put together.  
  
  [/quote]

I feel so seen right now. We've been together almost 13 years, married almost 5. We have a 2 year old. both DH and i work very hard at full time jobs, so this is where a lot of the stress emanates from.

if we don't figure out this division of labor i dont know how we are going to make it. i'm not even asking for 50/50. just something that feels equitable. 66/44, i'll take it. 
https://www.npr.org/2019/05/12/722173367/all-the-rage-isn-t-about-moms-having-it-all-it-s-about-moms-doing-it-all

i'm catholic, so divorce is not an option. i'm starting to understand the appeal of separate bedrooms. [/quote]

That’s an interesting article.  Thank you for posting.  Somehow it made me feel better and a little less alone.  I appreciated that she mentioned that most men didn’t want to interview about this or didn’t really see it as an issue.  I always thought it was just my husband or that there was something substantially wrong with my marriage.  It turns out this is everywhere. [/quote]

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