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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wife bought new phone, she was transferring still DD from her old one but didn't complete it.  I remember her stressing that all her messages and photos wouldn't move over - ironically she never asked me to help.

Her old one was out and plugged in and an alarm kept going off.  I was like a message ring or a little tune.  It was annoying so I picked it up and found the txt messages.  Photos she sent him, messages saying how she used to do stuff to avoid having sex and the tactics she used, how she dislike me.  I knew we had some rough times but things were improving, so I thought.  Painful to read.  I guess since it was attached to WiFi it just downloaded them or synced or something.  They were older ones and I knew there were newer ones but she wouldn't let me see them or said they weren't there.  Pretty damaging to the ego.  [/quote]

Would it hurt your ego if you found out she was an alcoholic. Really it is not different. She has terrible coping mechanisms and she uses new men to make her feel better, this has nothing to do with you.[/quote]

you therapist really taught you how to compartmentalize this - so either you or your wife had an affair and you chock it up to bad coping mechanisms.  sometimes the partner is at fault - its a marriage its a two way street. [/quote]

[quote]No. Research. It does not matter how good or bad a marriage is cheating happens at the same rate.

Mental illness, personality disorders, alcoholism, PTSD, bad coping mechanisms are all predictors of cheating.[/quote]

This is correct. The person that cheats will often say that there marriage is terrible when it isn't.

[url]http://www.emotionalaffair.org/understanding-the-affair-fog/[/url]

I think it is very hard for people to take responsibility for their own actions, they always want to blame others. You should try to stop blaming others, you will increase your happiness level. good luck![/quote][/quote]

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