Anonymous
11/04/2016 12:43
Subject: If you cheated how did you get caught?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
No. Research. It does not matter how good or bad a marriage is cheating happens at the same rate.
Mental illness, personality disorders, alcoholism, PTSD, bad coping mechanisms are all predictors of cheating.
I think it is very hard for people to take responsibility for their own actions, they always want to blame others. You should try to stop blaming others, you will increase your happiness level. good luck!
Cheating research is reliably bad. Cheaters lie to pretend things are worse, and those cheated upon lie to pretend that everything was heavenly. It wasn't. How can things be good if one person is willing to go outside the marriage, and one person thinks things aren't going well? It might be they have horrible communication skills, or it might mean the other spouse has horrible observational skills. But it never means the marriage is going well. Even if just ONE spouse is really unhappy, the marriage isn't doing well.
Just because you didn't notice the smell doesn't mean there isn't shit on your shoe.
Some people are really greedy and selfish. Their marriage might be fine, but they lack the character to be faithful.
This, x1000.
Anonymous
11/04/2016 12:41
Subject: If you cheated how did you get caught?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
No. Research. It does not matter how good or bad a marriage is cheating happens at the same rate.
Mental illness, personality disorders, alcoholism, PTSD, bad coping mechanisms are all predictors of cheating.
I think it is very hard for people to take responsibility for their own actions, they always want to blame others. You should try to stop blaming others, you will increase your happiness level. good luck!
Cheating research is reliably bad. Cheaters lie to pretend things are worse, and those cheated upon lie to pretend that everything was heavenly. It wasn't. How can things be good if one person is willing to go outside the marriage, and one person thinks things aren't going well? It might be they have horrible communication skills, or it might mean the other spouse has horrible observational skills. But it never means the marriage is going well. Even if just ONE spouse is really unhappy, the marriage isn't doing well.
Just because you didn't notice the smell doesn't mean there isn't shit on your shoe.
Nope, it is 100% on the cheater.
Anonymous
11/04/2016 12:24
Subject: If you cheated how did you get caught?
Anonymous wrote:I didn't
+1 It did motivate me to get a divorce though. I got really tired of exDW sex-shaming me as a way of avoiding sex. The affair was like water to a man dying of dehydration in the desert...I was furious I'd wasted some of my best years (my 20s and half my 30s) on a woman who felt like sex was shameful and icky and tried to make me feel the same way...I should have been single and indulging all my freak. The victim of the affair is not always the victim of the marriage. No regrets whatsoever about leaving, only about staying so long.
Anonymous
11/04/2016 12:23
Subject: If you cheated how did you get caught?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
No. Research. It does not matter how good or bad a marriage is cheating happens at the same rate.
Mental illness, personality disorders, alcoholism, PTSD, bad coping mechanisms are all predictors of cheating.
I think it is very hard for people to take responsibility for their own actions, they always want to blame others. You should try to stop blaming others, you will increase your happiness level. good luck!
Cheating research is reliably bad. Cheaters lie to pretend things are worse, and those cheated upon lie to pretend that everything was heavenly. It wasn't. How can things be good if one person is willing to go outside the marriage, and one person thinks things aren't going well? It might be they have horrible communication skills, or it might mean the other spouse has horrible observational skills. But it never means the marriage is going well. Even if just ONE spouse is really unhappy, the marriage isn't doing well.
Just because you didn't notice the smell doesn't mean there isn't shit on your shoe.
This, x1000.
Anonymous
11/04/2016 12:19
Subject: If you cheated how did you get caught?
Anonymous wrote:
No. Research. It does not matter how good or bad a marriage is cheating happens at the same rate.
Mental illness, personality disorders, alcoholism, PTSD, bad coping mechanisms are all predictors of cheating.
I think it is very hard for people to take responsibility for their own actions, they always want to blame others. You should try to stop blaming others, you will increase your happiness level. good luck!
Cheating research is reliably bad. Cheaters lie to pretend things are worse, and those cheated upon lie to pretend that everything was heavenly. It wasn't. How can things be good if one person is willing to go outside the marriage, and one person thinks things aren't going well? It might be they have horrible communication skills, or it might mean the other spouse has horrible observational skills. But it never means the marriage is going well. Even if just ONE spouse is really unhappy, the marriage isn't doing well.
Just because you didn't notice the smell doesn't mean there isn't shit on your shoe.
Anonymous
11/04/2016 11:56
Subject: Re:If you cheated how did you get caught?
Anonymous wrote:Couldn't hide my pregnancy.
WOW
Anonymous
11/04/2016 11:42
Subject: If you cheated how did you get caught?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wife bought new phone, she was transferring still DD from her old one but didn't complete it. I remember her stressing that all her messages and photos wouldn't move over - ironically she never asked me to help.
Her old one was out and plugged in and an alarm kept going off. I was like a message ring or a little tune. It was annoying so I picked it up and found the txt messages. Photos she sent him, messages saying how she used to do stuff to avoid having sex and the tactics she used, how she dislike me. I knew we had some rough times but things were improving, so I thought. Painful to read. I guess since it was attached to WiFi it just downloaded them or synced or something. They were older ones and I knew there were newer ones but she wouldn't let me see them or said they weren't there. Pretty damaging to the ego.
Would it hurt your ego if you found out she was an alcoholic. Really it is not different. She has terrible coping mechanisms and she uses new men to make her feel better, this has nothing to do with you.
you therapist really taught you how to compartmentalize this - so either you or your wife had an affair and you chock it up to bad coping mechanisms. sometimes the partner is at fault - its a marriage its a two way street.
No. Research. It does not matter how good or bad a marriage is cheating happens at the same rate.
Mental illness, personality disorders, alcoholism, PTSD, bad coping mechanisms are all predictors of cheating.
This is correct. The person that cheats will often say that there marriage is terrible when it isn't.
http://www.emotionalaffair.org/understanding-the-affair-fog/
I think it is very hard for people to take responsibility for their own actions, they always want to blame others. You should try to stop blaming others, you will increase your happiness level. good luck!
Anonymous
11/04/2016 11:39
Subject: If you cheated how did you get caught?
I didn't
Anonymous
11/04/2016 11:39
Subject: If you cheated how did you get caught?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wife bought new phone, she was transferring still DD from her old one but didn't complete it. I remember her stressing that all her messages and photos wouldn't move over - ironically she never asked me to help.
Her old one was out and plugged in and an alarm kept going off. I was like a message ring or a little tune. It was annoying so I picked it up and found the txt messages. Photos she sent him, messages saying how she used to do stuff to avoid having sex and the tactics she used, how she dislike me. I knew we had some rough times but things were improving, so I thought. Painful to read. I guess since it was attached to WiFi it just downloaded them or synced or something. They were older ones and I knew there were newer ones but she wouldn't let me see them or said they weren't there. Pretty damaging to the ego.
Would it hurt your ego if you found out she was an alcoholic. Really it is not different. She has terrible coping mechanisms and she uses new men to make her feel better, this has nothing to do with you.
Except she was getting dicked by another guy. I can help her through a drinking problem, not the ultimate betrayal
That is where you are wrong. You can't help her through a drinking problem. She is the only one that can stop drinking. Families try to help (enable) and it goes horribly wrong.
I am not saying to help her, she needs to help herself. But this has nothing to do with you. She needs to fix herself. She will cheat on you again or the next guy or the next 10 guys until she fixes herself.
It feels like she is rejecting you but that is not what is going on ... she is destroying herself, you are collateral damage.
Anonymous
11/04/2016 11:36
Subject: If you cheated how did you get caught?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wife bought new phone, she was transferring still DD from her old one but didn't complete it. I remember her stressing that all her messages and photos wouldn't move over - ironically she never asked me to help.
Her old one was out and plugged in and an alarm kept going off. I was like a message ring or a little tune. It was annoying so I picked it up and found the txt messages. Photos she sent him, messages saying how she used to do stuff to avoid having sex and the tactics she used, how she dislike me. I knew we had some rough times but things were improving, so I thought. Painful to read. I guess since it was attached to WiFi it just downloaded them or synced or something. They were older ones and I knew there were newer ones but she wouldn't let me see them or said they weren't there. Pretty damaging to the ego.
Would it hurt your ego if you found out she was an alcoholic. Really it is not different. She has terrible coping mechanisms and she uses new men to make her feel better, this has nothing to do with you.
you therapist really taught you how to compartmentalize this - so either you or your wife had an affair and you chock it up to bad coping mechanisms. sometimes the partner is at fault - its a marriage its a two way street.
No. Research. It does not matter how good or bad a marriage is cheating happens at the same rate.
Mental illness, personality disorders, alcoholism, PTSD, bad coping mechanisms are all predictors of cheating.
I think it is very hard for people to take responsibility for their own actions, they always want to blame others. You should try to stop blaming others, you will increase your happiness level. good luck!
Anonymous
11/04/2016 11:16
Subject: If you cheated how did you get caught?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wife bought new phone, she was transferring still DD from her old one but didn't complete it. I remember her stressing that all her messages and photos wouldn't move over - ironically she never asked me to help.
Her old one was out and plugged in and an alarm kept going off. I was like a message ring or a little tune. It was annoying so I picked it up and found the txt messages. Photos she sent him, messages saying how she used to do stuff to avoid having sex and the tactics she used, how she dislike me. I knew we had some rough times but things were improving, so I thought. Painful to read. I guess since it was attached to WiFi it just downloaded them or synced or something. They were older ones and I knew there were newer ones but she wouldn't let me see them or said they weren't there. Pretty damaging to the ego.
Would it hurt your ego if you found out she was an alcoholic. Really it is not different. She has terrible coping mechanisms and she uses new men to make her feel better, this has nothing to do with you.
you therapist really taught you how to compartmentalize this - so either you or your wife had an affair and you chock it up to bad coping mechanisms. sometimes the partner is at fault - its a marriage its a two way street.
Anonymous
11/04/2016 07:57
Subject: If you cheated how did you get caught?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wife bought new phone, she was transferring still DD from her old one but didn't complete it. I remember her stressing that all her messages and photos wouldn't move over - ironically she never asked me to help.
Her old one was out and plugged in and an alarm kept going off. I was like a message ring or a little tune. It was annoying so I picked it up and found the txt messages. Photos she sent him, messages saying how she used to do stuff to avoid having sex and the tactics she used, how she dislike me. I knew we had some rough times but things were improving, so I thought. Painful to read. I guess since it was attached to WiFi it just downloaded them or synced or something. They were older ones and I knew there were newer ones but she wouldn't let me see them or said they weren't there. Pretty damaging to the ego.
Would it hurt your ego if you found out she was an alcoholic. Really it is not different. She has terrible coping mechanisms and she uses new men to make her feel better, this has nothing to do with you.
Except she was getting dicked by another guy. I can help her through a drinking problem, not the ultimate betrayal
Anonymous
11/04/2016 07:22
Subject: Re:If you cheated how did you get caught?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My DH got suspicious when he noticed my best lingerie missing for a business trip. Two days later he saw an incriminating email. I was in a terrible place internally. My life was so dark and my marriage was so lonely and lifeless. I have so much guilt and shame. My DH has stayed with me and kept our family together and I will always be grateful for that. We are in a better place now. Not great but better and working on it every day. I learned so much
Your husband is a cuck..I would have dropped your silly ass and told the kids why.
Why is it that men who stay and fight for their marriages get hammered for it but women who fight for their marriages do not? Every situation is different. In the end if a couple thinks they can work through the problems, I wish them well. Especially if they have kids. ThAt kind of upheaval can damage them for years.
Anonymous
11/04/2016 07:17
Subject: Re:If you cheated how did you get caught?
Couldn't hide my pregnancy.
Anonymous
11/04/2016 07:14
Subject: If you cheated how did you get caught?
Anonymous wrote:Wife bought new phone, she was transferring still DD from her old one but didn't complete it. I remember her stressing that all her messages and photos wouldn't move over - ironically she never asked me to help.
Her old one was out and plugged in and an alarm kept going off. I was like a message ring or a little tune. It was annoying so I picked it up and found the txt messages. Photos she sent him, messages saying how she used to do stuff to avoid having sex and the tactics she used, how she dislike me. I knew we had some rough times but things were improving, so I thought. Painful to read. I guess since it was attached to WiFi it just downloaded them or synced or something. They were older ones and I knew there were newer ones but she wouldn't let me see them or said they weren't there. Pretty damaging to the ego.
Would it hurt your ego if you found out she was an alcoholic. Really it is not different. She has terrible coping mechanisms and she uses new men to make her feel better, this has nothing to do with you.