Reply to "Affair fog". When does it wear off?

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Reply to ""Affair fog". When does it wear off?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you can't have it both ways. You are not going to make him be the guy he was on your wedding day. No, you don't necessarily have to suffer financially because of his choices. But you are not going to get him back the way he was and he has apparently decided this woman is not going anywhere.

Yes, it sucks! And it is painful and humiliating to have been lied to.

The only thing you can choose is to deal with it for the time being (or at least until he forces a decision), or split up and move on. Granted, both your choices are unfair because this woman's presence in his life is not of your choice. Both have positives and negatives. You are just going to have to figure which set of challenges brings you, personally, the least distress and upheaval. And then at least you can say to yourself you are living a certain way by choice.

No one else's opinion about what you privately choose matters.

However if you choose to acknowledge that he's going to have this relationship, you'll at least have the satisfaction of taking away the exciting secrecy and putting the onus on him to define what's going on. The AP poster is right, some people who have already been divorced do not want to get married again, they just want the company and the regular sex with none of the other hard parts of marriage. 8 years of this without ever confronting you means he probably doesn't want to be with her that way. He's not even into dealing with the responsibility of one marriage, why would he want another one?

I feel for you. As someone else said, get the numbers and go from there so you know exactly what you are choosing to do.[/quote]

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